Here we go again. The former reality TV host turned twice-impeached ex-president is back, and this time his transition team is treating FBI security clearances like they’re optional Wi-Fi passwords at a cheap motel. I mean, why bother with background checks when you can just wing it? After all, who needs to know if your top picks for high-level government positions moonlight as internet trolls or were last seen on a Dateline episode? It’s just national security. Nothing important.
Let’s talk about standards, or the apparent lack of them. Here’s how most jobs work: You apply, you get vetted, and if you pass the basic “Are you a decent human being?” test, you’re hired. But with Trump’s team, it’s like a game of Who Wants to Be a Federal Criminal?. We’re throwing out resumes and using a Magic 8-Ball instead. “Signs point to treason? Eh, close enough. You’re hired!”
The FBI is reportedly frustrated. And who can blame them? They’re trying to maintain the smallest shred of competence while wading through a swamp of people who make Swamp Thing look like a Rhodes Scholar. Imagine being an FBI agent tasked with vetting a guy whose primary qualifications are running a TikTok conspiracy channel and owning a MAGA hat collection. No wonder they’re over it.
Here’s a fun fact: Background checks exist for a reason. It’s to prevent, oh, I don’t know, blatant corruption, massive security breaches, and, let’s not forget, letting actual criminals run the country. But Trump’s team seems to think security clearances are just “big government” getting in the way of freedom. Freedom to do what, exactly? Hire a Secretary of State who’s banned from five countries? Appoint a National Security Advisor who thinks the dark web is just a browser setting?
But wait, it gets better. When asked about the lack of proper vetting, Trump’s people reportedly said they didn’t have the time. Didn’t have the time?! Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize filling the most powerful positions in the free world was such an inconvenience. What were they too busy doing? Planning the next rally? Practicing how to hold a glass of water without looking like a malfunctioning robot?
Here’s the kicker: even the FBI—an organization that has seen everything from mobsters to mole people—seems genuinely shocked by this mess. You know it’s bad when the folks who sift through America’s darkest secrets for a living are throwing their hands up like, “We didn’t sign up for this.”
And can we talk about the irony? This is the same team that spent four years chanting about “law and order” while apparently being unable to grasp the concept of a simple criminal background check. Law and order for thee, but not for me. It’s the political equivalent of lecturing everyone about healthy eating while scarfing down a Big Mac on live TV.
But don’t worry, Trump’s team assures us everything is fine. Fine. Fine! The same way a house on fire is “fine” if you squint hard enough. They’re probably thinking, “Who cares about security clearances? It’s not like anyone ever exploited a position of power for personal gain.” Oh, wait. That’s literally the plot of half of Washington scandals.
And let’s not overlook the real MVPs of this debacle: the enablers. Every single person standing by and pretending this circus act is just good old-fashioned politics deserves a round of applause. It takes a special kind of talent to watch this level of chaos and say, “Seems legit!”
So what’s next? Are we outsourcing cabinet positions to Craigslist? Holding job interviews on Truth Social? At this rate, we’ll be appointing a Secretary of Defense who believes lizard people control the Pentagon. Or a Homeland Security Chief whose qualifications are “likes to travel and owns a dog.”
Here’s the bottom line: This isn’t just about Trump or his team. This is about the basic expectation that the people in charge of running the country should at least try to act like they know what they’re doing. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes.
This is where we’re at, folks. The transition team of a former president, who wants to be president again, can’t be bothered to do the bare minimum. And we’re supposed to just shrug it off like, “Well, that’s politics for you.” No! This isn’t politics. This is what happens when you combine incompetence with apathy and slap a red hat on it.
So, buckle up. Because if this is how things are going before the guy even gets back into office, imagine the kind of chaos we’re in for if he actually makes it. But hey, no background check required. Just bring your own circus tent.
