America has done it again. We’ve managed to turn democracy into the political equivalent of a drunk uncle swearing he landed the big fish. Sure, Trump won. Technically. But let’s not act like this was a tidal wave of adoration. His popular vote margin? Smaller than a discount airline seat. You could fit it in the overhead bin. Yet here we are, listening to the GOP strut around yelling mandate like they’ve invented the cure for baldness.
Let’s break this down. Trump got less than 50% of the vote. Less than. Like ordering a pizza and getting half the slices missing. Yet somehow, we’re treating this victory like it’s the Beatles’ reunion tour. Speaker Mike Johnson even called this election a sign that America wants radical change. Radical change? The only radical thing Americans agreed on this year was canceling daylight savings time.
Now, if you’re wondering how the Electoral College works, let me explain: take your vote, throw it into a blender, and hope it comes out as a smoothie. Harris got millions more votes than Trump in some areas, but it didn’t matter because we’ve got a system that would make a Rube Goldberg machine look efficient. And that’s not democracy; that’s a carnival game where the guy running it always wins.
But let’s humor them for a moment. Let’s pretend this is a mandate. If this is a mandate, then my neighbor’s cat, who yells at squirrels all day, must be a foreign policy expert. Winning with a razor-thin margin doesn’t mean the nation is behind you. It means you’re balancing on a tightrope while half the country is waiting for the wind to blow.
And speaking of wind, have you noticed how quiet it’s been about climate change? The only storm Trump seems to care about is on Twitter. Meanwhile, the planet is over here sweating like it’s on a first date with a volcano. But sure, let’s talk about mandates. Because clearly, what Americans really want is for their government to argue about TikTok bans while ignoring healthcare and the housing crisis.
Here’s the kicker: more people voted against Trump than for him. This isn’t a mandate; it’s a group project where most of the team didn’t show up, but somehow, the guy who brought the snacks got an A. Yet here he is, assembling a Cabinet of characters so colorful they make crayons jealous. Matt Gaetz? Kristi Noem? What’s next, appointing a Magic 8-Ball as Secretary of State? Oh wait, it’d probably do a better job.
Let’s not forget, the Electoral College isn’t some ancient wisdom. It’s an antique store of bad ideas. A relic from a time when the only “voter ID” you needed was to be white, male, and own land. And while we’re at it, can we stop calling it a mandate when the majority isn’t on board? That’s like saying everyone loves your party because three people clapped when the DJ played the Macarena.
America, it’s time to wake up. Stop confusing participation trophies with victories. Trump’s “mandate” is about as real as a reality show, and we all know how those are scripted. If this is what winning looks like, I’d hate to see what losing feels like.