Oops We Did It Again: Arizona Lawmakers’ Accidental Tribute to the Dark Ages

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

So, the great state of Arizona has suddenly realized that its near-total abortion ban might be a tad extreme. Picture this: In a blur of legislative hangovers, possibly after a late-night binge-watching session of “The Handmaid’s Tale” as a how-to guide, Arizona lawmakers put in place a law so medieval you’d expect to see it etched on stone tablets rather than printed in legal textbooks. And now, Ruben Gallego says lifting this ban is like trying to unring a bell. Except the bell is the Liberty Bell, and it’s already got a crack in it, thank you very much.

The Breakdown:

A Ban So Total, It’s Almost Impressive:
- This law wasn’t just a ban, it was THE ban. You know, the kind of comprehensive package you’d expect to find in an ‘Everything Must Go!’ sale at your local apocalyptic store.
Too Little, Too Repeal:
- State Rep. Gallego’s playing the role of the guy who warns that the Titanic is sinking after it’s already resting on the ocean floor. Repealing the ban now? That’s like bringing a bucket to a tsunami.
The Political Grandstand:
- Politicians took their time crafting these restrictions with the meticulous care of a toddler building a sandcastle at high tide. Well done, folks! Now watch as the waves of public outrage erode it away.
The Unintended Irony Award:
- You’ve got to hand it to Arizona legislators – their attempt at legally defining life has really shown everyone how to live: With abundant contradictions and a very flexible sense of timing.
An Experiment in Time Travel:
- Congratulations on attempting to transport an entire state back to the 1800s! Next on the agenda: reinstating the horse-drawn carriage and arguing about the validity of the telegraph.

The Counter:

Let’s Make Poor Timing Great Again:
- Sure, Arizona, take your time reconsidering that abortion ban. Maybe take up cross-stitching before you address important legislation. It’s not like rights or bodies are on the line.
Who Needs Forward Thinking?
- Progress is overrated. Why move forward when you can stay perfectly still? It’s worked so well for statues, right?
Debate As a Leisure Activity:
- Who doesn’t love a good debate that goes in circles? It’s the legislative equivalent of watching a dog chase its tail. Entertaining, pointless, and dizzying.
It’s The Thought That Counts:
- Reflecting on the bad law can be powerful. You know, like sending thoughts and prayers instead of actually fixing anything.
Celebrating Small Victories:
- If the ban’s repealed, let’s throw a tiny party. The kind with stale chips and warm soda. It’s not a great party, but hey, at least it’s a party!

The Hot Take:

What have we got here? A deep dive into the midnight musings of politicians who probably should’ve turned to Netflix instead of lawmaking. Now that they’re waking up from their self-imposed stupor, blearily munching on aspirin and chugging Pedialyte, they’re realizing that maybe, just maybe, they’ve gone too far.

So, how do we fix it? In true liberal fashion, let’s form a committee to think about forming a committee to discuss potential problem-solving tactics. But seriously, let’s put on our big person pants and do something about this. How about advocating for education that goes beyond saying ‘abstinence is key’ while winking at a pack of condoms? Or we could actually listen to women and healthcare professionals. Crazy, I know.

Let’s take a radical leap into the 21st century and use that groundbreaking thing called ‘science’ to guide healthcare decisions. Let’s remember that bodily autonomy is a thing, and it’s kind of important. And hey, while we’re being all liberal about it, let’s make sure that people who can get pregnant are the ones making the rules about pregnancy. It’s a novel idea – but it just might work.

Source: ‘The damage is done’: Ruben Gallego says repealing Arizona’s near-total abortion ban now would be too little, too late