It’s 2024, and the curtain is up on the latest performance of political theater. The script? Donald Trump plans to fire career Department of Justice employees involved in prosecuting him. You’d think this is the plot twist from a dark political satire. But no, this is reality, and it comes complete with promises to overhaul the DOJ with the vigor of someone redecorating a McMansion in the ugliest shade of vengeance red.
First on the agenda: dismiss everyone who dared to look into Trump’s classified documents or his role in the 2020 election mess. He’s not just cleaning house—he’s setting it ablaze and dancing in the ashes. Sure, career prosecutors have protections, but Trump’s solution is reinstating a rule he tried before, the “Schedule F” executive order, which makes it easier to fire federal employees. Forget checks and balances—this is checks, mates, and a fiery finish.
But hold on. Implementing this isn’t like snapping your fingers. It’s more like trying to rebuild a wall with Jell-O: slow, messy, and highly unlikely to hold. Experts predict years of legal fights to undo Biden’s safeguards for federal employees. Meanwhile, Trump is talking about shifting DOJ focus back to “real crime.” Because nothing says crime-fighting like dismissing the people who know how to prosecute it.
Next up: investigative teams to reexamine battleground state fraud in the 2020 election. That’s right, we’re still talking about 2020 like it’s a college ex you can’t stop texting at 3 a.m. It’s not just flogging a dead horse—it’s entering that horse into a race and then blaming it for losing.
The takeaway? It’s less about policy and more about personal vendettas dressed as governance. While Trump’s allies hail this as the triumph of accountability, it’s accountability that only runs one way: in the direction of everyone who said, “Hey, maybe don’t do that.”