Ah, Thanksgiving—the time of year when we gather around a table to stuff ourselves senseless and pretend we actually like our relatives. But this year, the political turkeys have outdone themselves, serving up a feast of absurdity that’s hard to digest.
First Course: The Turkey Pardon
Let’s start with the annual farce known as the presidential turkey pardon. President Biden, in his final act before handing the keys back to the orange tornado, spared two turkeys named Peach and Blossom. He even quipped that Peach “lives by the motto ‘keep calm and gobble on.'” How quaint. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left gobbling down inflation and political dysfunction. But hey, at least two birds get to live out their days in a petting zoo.
Main Course: Trump’s Tariff Tantrum
Not to be outdone, President-elect Trump decided to celebrate by threatening to slap tariffs on Canada and Mexico. Because nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like straining relationships with your closest neighbors. Biden called the move “counterproductive,” which is political speak for “Are you out of your mind?” But who needs allies when you can have trade wars during the holiday season?
Side Dish: The Parody Video
And just when you thought the menu couldn’t get any more unpalatable, Trump served up a “Christmas Vacation” parody video mocking Democratic leaders. Yes, because deepfaking your opponents’ faces onto movie characters is the pinnacle of political discourse. It’s comforting to know that while the country grapples with real issues, our leaders are busy perfecting their meme game.
Dessert: The Thanksgiving Messages
Biden, ever the uniter, urged Americans to “bring the nation together” during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. A noble sentiment, but perhaps a tad optimistic when half the country thinks the other half is clinically insane. Meanwhile, Trump took to his platform to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to “the Radical Left Lunatics” and other assorted enemies. Because nothing says “holiday spirit” like a passive-aggressive greeting card.
Digestif: The Future
As we loosen our belts and slip into tryptophan comas, let’s reflect on the state of our union. Our leaders are engaged in a perpetual game of one-upmanship, more focused on scoring cheap points than addressing the issues that actually matter. But hey, at least the turkeys are safe.
