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Drinks, Lies, and Videotape: Pete Hegseth’s Guide to Journalism

December 4, 2024

Let’s talk about Pete Hegseth, shall we? The man is like a firecracker in a room full of toddlers—unpredictable, loud, and guaranteed to cause some kind of damage. The latest revelation? His colleagues are worried about his drinking. Worried. That’s a hell of a word, isn’t it? Like when your

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Mitch McConnell: The Picasso of Hypocrisy, Painting One Smug Grievance at a Time

December 4, 2024

Imagine a man who has spent decades perfecting the art of the political shakedown. Picture him standing on the Senate floor, shaking his head in mock disappointment like your least favorite gym teacher. Mitch McConnell—the human embodiment of a shrug and a smirk—is now accusing Democrats of playing political games.

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The Gavel Must Go On: Why Mitch Thinks 95 Is the New 45

December 3, 2024

The latest pearl of wisdom from the political seas comes courtesy of Mitch McConnell, the Senate Minority Leader with the charisma of a soggy saltine. McConnell recently criticized a federal judge for retiring at the ripe old age of 95. Ninety-five! Let me put this in perspective for you: this

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Job Market’s Hot, Wallet’s Empty: Welcome to Capitalism!

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

Oh, the job market is booming. Inflation is cooling. And we’re all supposed to stand here, clapping like seals in the middle of a circus act where the tightrope walker is wearing roller skates. Sure, the numbers look good on paper—if you squint, tilt your head, and take a shot

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Stop Paying Disabled Workers in Monopoly Money

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

Well, well, well, America, here we are standing in a puddle of our own hypocrisy, scratching our heads, and pretending we don’t smell it. Let’s talk about the Department of Labor’s latest move to phase out the subminimum wage for disabled workers. Yes, you heard that right. It took us

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Senate Democrats Boldly Go Where They’ve Gone Before: Schumer Re-elected!

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

Well, look who just got re-elected—again. Senate Democrats have decided that Chuck Schumer is the gift that keeps on giving. Because nothing says “fresh and innovative leadership“ like hitting the replay button on the same old track. I mean, why rock the boat with new ideas when you can just

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Joe Manchin’s Latest Recipe for National Indigestion

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

Let me get this straight. Joe Manchin, our favorite political weather vane, thinks President Biden should pardon Donald Trump. Because nothing says “justice” like giving a free pass to the guy who tried to bulldoze democracy with a golf cart. I mean, why stop there? Maybe we should pardon everyone. Let’s

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Deregulation Nation: Why CEOs Are Popping Champagne While You’re Eating Ramen

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

Let me start by saying this: nothing says “America” like businesses salivating over policies before they’re even written. You’ve got CEOs clicking their heels like Dorothy in Oz because they think the wizard—sorry, Trump—is going to hand them a bag of golden bricks. If there’s a red carpet to greed,

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The Supreme Court, Tennessee, and Gender-Affirming Care: A Southern Fried Circus of Judicial Absurdity

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

Folks, we’re about to dive into a subject so utterly twisted and infuriating that I’ve already popped three Advils and yelled at my toaster just to warm up. Tennessee—home of country music, hot chicken, and apparently a legal system that’s been marinating in the wrong barbecue sauce—has decided to stick

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Apology Accepted… Just Kidding: The Downfall of 2000 Mules

December 3, 2024December 3, 2024

There are moments in history that make you wonder if the collective intelligence of humanity has gone out for a smoke and never come back. One such moment recently came from a spectacle so absurd it could be mistaken for satire. I’m talking about the dramatic, totally sincere apology issued

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I’m Darren and I created Democrawonk.com as a platform dishing out satirical commentary on the political circus we call current events.

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