Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In his latest circus of political melodrama, Donald Trump is on the hunt for a running mate, but not just any mere mortal to play the trusty sidekick. He wants someone who miraculously doesn’t overshadow him while elevating his grandeur.
It’s akin to seeking a unicorn that is okay with being a horse when the cameras roll. MSNBC unpacks this enigma, and I’m here to regale you with a puff of insightful smog, as we dive into the depth of this political abyss. This is not just about finding a VP; it’s about finding someone willing to play Sancho Panza to his Don Quixote, a steadfast squire for yet another whimsical quest for an American windmill.
The Breakdown
- Spotlight Hog Syndrome:
- The Donald is about as keen on sharing the limelight as a Kardashian would be in sharing their selfie stick. It’s a delicate balance of finding a VP with enough personality to not be a cardboard cutout, but not so much pizzazz that they outshine the Trumpian glow.
- The Donald is about as keen on sharing the limelight as a Kardashian would be in sharing their selfie stick. It’s a delicate balance of finding a VP with enough personality to not be a cardboard cutout, but not so much pizzazz that they outshine the Trumpian glow.
- The Punching Bag Paradox:
- The future VP must possess the resilience of a heavyweight boxer, absorbing incessant blows, but at the same time, the poise to not fight back or stand out because, let’s face it, there’s only room for one heavyweight in Trump’s ring, and he’s swinging his own punches.
- The future VP must possess the resilience of a heavyweight boxer, absorbing incessant blows, but at the same time, the poise to not fight back or stand out because, let’s face it, there’s only room for one heavyweight in Trump’s ring, and he’s swinging his own punches.
- The Chimera of Compliance:
- This VP pick is expected to be Trump’s mythical creature: part cheerleader, part janitor, spending half their time waving pompoms and the other half cleaning up the mess after the parade has passed – but always two steps behind the Grand Marshal.
- This VP pick is expected to be Trump’s mythical creature: part cheerleader, part janitor, spending half their time waving pompoms and the other half cleaning up the mess after the parade has passed – but always two steps behind the Grand Marshal.
- The Echo Chamber Echo:
- Required qualification number one: when Trump says “jump,” the VP must ask “how high?” on the way up. The echo chamber enjoys only the finest of Trumpian echoes, no room for independent thought or stray murmurs that deviate from the script.
- Required qualification number one: when Trump says “jump,” the VP must ask “how high?” on the way up. The echo chamber enjoys only the finest of Trumpian echoes, no room for independent thought or stray murmurs that deviate from the script.
- The MAGA Mind-Meld:
- Compatibility means not only finishing each other’s sentences but having those sentences be tweets that will rile up the masses or, at the very least, make headlines for being outrageously outrageous because that’s the brand, folks.
- Compatibility means not only finishing each other’s sentences but having those sentences be tweets that will rile up the masses or, at the very least, make headlines for being outrageously outrageous because that’s the brand, folks.
The Counter
- Shadow Savior:
- Maybe the VP should be a shadow lurking, waiting, watching. Nothing says “I’ve got your back” like someone who’s literally standing in your shadow, slightly creepy, but undeniably loyal.
- Maybe the VP should be a shadow lurking, waiting, watching. Nothing says “I’ve got your back” like someone who’s literally standing in your shadow, slightly creepy, but undeniably loyal.
- The Great Yes-Man Expedition:
- It’s not like finding someone who agrees with everything Trump says is hard, right? The forests of America are surely teeming with suitably subservient sycophants.
- It’s not like finding someone who agrees with everything Trump says is hard, right? The forests of America are surely teeming with suitably subservient sycophants.
- Oath of Obsolescence:
- Let’s have the VP swear an oath to become voluntarily obsolete in the face of the Trumpian Sun King – a historical throwback that’s both regal and completely impractical.
- Let’s have the VP swear an oath to become voluntarily obsolete in the face of the Trumpian Sun King – a historical throwback that’s both regal and completely impractical.
- The Ventriloquist’s Dummy Delight:
- The ideal VP is essentially a ventriloquist’s dummy; they only speak when spoken through, and their words magically align with whatever the puppet master deems entertaining.
- The ideal VP is essentially a ventriloquist’s dummy; they only speak when spoken through, and their words magically align with whatever the puppet master deems entertaining.
- Unicorn Union:
- Really, we should just lean into the unicorn analogy until it becomes reality. Let the VP pick be a magical, mythical creature that doesn’t threaten to steal any thunder because it’s, well, not real.
- Really, we should just lean into the unicorn analogy until it becomes reality. Let the VP pick be a magical, mythical creature that doesn’t threaten to steal any thunder because it’s, well, not real.
The Hot Take
Here’s the steamy liberal scoop cooking on the back burner: maybe if we want to stop this farcical merry-go-round, we should focus on the real issues – healthcare, climate change, social justice – rather than the Trumpian soap opera reruns.
The real fix isn’t in finding a VP who can moonwalk in Trump’s shadow; it’s in changing the channel from the reality TV nonsense to something that resembles, oh I don’t know, actual reality? A policy-driven, empathy-laden approach might just be the sobering slap needed to awaken the electorate from this fever dream.
Source: ‘He wants the spotlight on him’ – What Trump could be looking for in a VP pick
