Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
It seems France has extended an olive branch with a barbed wire twist: inviting Russia to the 80th D-Day anniversary ceremony but keeping the proverbial door slammed shut in Vladimir Putin’s face. Oh, la la, France is setting the kind of guest list that redefines RSVP into ‘Russian Snub Very Personal’.
The Breakdown
- Putin Not Putin on the Ritz in France:
France has shown the diplomatic finesse of a chef delicately removing a snail from its shell. Russia, you can grace the sandy beaches, but keep your leader’s boots off our Normandy coast. They are being about as welcome as a wine stain on a wedding dress. - A Toast to the Frosty Franco-Russian Relations:
The Eiffel Tower might as well project a bat signal with Putin’s face crossed out. This non-invitation is a masterclass in frenemy behavior – “Please join our commemoration, but only if you leave your biggest gun at home.” - An RSVP for Everyone but “You-Know-Who”:
By pulling up the drawbridge on Putin, France has basically sent out the classiest ‘not you’ signal since high school prom invitations. It’s a geopolitical version of musical chairs, and Putin is left standing without a seat when the music stops. - The Strangely Specific Exclusion Principle:
How do you selectively invite a country? Imagine throwing a party and saying, “Your goldfish can come, but we have an issue with you, Steve.” France has chosen a unique approach, “Everyone’s welcome, except you – yeah you, with the nuclear codes.” - A Shore Thing – Sans the Russian Leader:
This is history served with a side of snub. It’s like France is carving its initials into the tree of liberty – and below it, not-so-discreetly scratching out Putin’s name with a baguette.
The Counter
- Putin’s Revenge RSVP:
Putin might respond by throwing his own commemoration event and making snide remarks about the vintage of the champagne. “France’s 2019 was a good year, but not strong, like Russia’s leader.” - France’s Tepid Tap Dance on Diplomacy:
Let’s admit it: France is as awkward as a mime in a shouting match here. Inviting Russia but not Putin is like emailing out an office lunch menu that specifically excludes lasagna because it once burned you. - Normandy Beach – Now with 100% Less Putin:
Perhaps this is a new French attraction: come visit the historic beaches where world-changing battles took place and enjoy the absence of contemporary Russian leadership. - The Omitted Plate at the High Table:
Diplomacy often means setting an extra place at the table, but France is breaking out the fine china while telling Putin to eat leftovers at home. It’s the adult version of uninviting the class bully to your birthday party. - The ‘It’s Not You, It’s Putin’ Defense:
France swears it’s not shunning Russia, just that one guy. Because if history teaches us anything, it’s that excluding just one person from a monumental event never leads to any drama, right?
The Hot Take
In the ultimate liberal comedic twist, France has given us the loudest silent treatment heard ’round the world. You want a resolution? Introduce an international “Mean Girls” Burn Book and let each country take a jab before passing it along. Russia might not forgive, but the laughs we’ll get will be historic. And as we all know, the pen is mightier than the sword – unless you’re Russian, then you probably have a different take on armaments.
If only we could solve international disputes with a roast battle hosted by Jon Stewart, where world leaders sling jokes instead of threats, and the only things getting fired are one-liners. Peace through laughter, bullets of wit flying across the DMZ, and a UN Comedy Hour that brings countries together one zinger at a time.
Source: France invites Russia to D-Day ceremony — just not Vladimir Putin
