Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
In a move that’s as surprising as a gator in a swimming pool, Florida has escalated its educational crusade by mandating schools to teach students about the “evils of communism”. Governor Ron DeSantis, donning the armor of patriotism with a flourish, has dictated that the youth be enlightened on how absolutely diabolical communism is. Because, as we all know, understanding complex political ideologies is totally within the grasp of kindergartners who just stopped eating glue.
The Breakdown:
- Our Kids Must Know the Red Scare Before Algebra:
- Before children can solve for x, they must learn to spot the red flags. Not mathematically, but politically. Indeed, it’s crucial they understand the Bolshevik Boogeyman before they can properly count to ten.
- Before children can solve for x, they must learn to spot the red flags. Not mathematically, but politically. Indeed, it’s crucial they understand the Bolshevik Boogeyman before they can properly count to ten.
- McCarthy Would Be Proud:
- Three Cheers for Context-less Education:
- Context in history lessons is like decaf coffee at a truck stop – utterly pointless, apparently. Who needs the nuances of socio-economic pressures when we’ve got good old-fashioned fear-mongering?
- Context in history lessons is like decaf coffee at a truck stop – utterly pointless, apparently. Who needs the nuances of socio-economic pressures when we’ve got good old-fashioned fear-mongering?
- Perhaps the Real Evils Are the Friends We Made Along the Way:
- The curriculum promises to cover every “evil” of communism. Because state-mandated opinions are the bedrock of a free society, aren’t they?
- The curriculum promises to cover every “evil” of communism. Because state-mandated opinions are the bedrock of a free society, aren’t they?
- Next Up: Fairy Tales or Totalitarian Regimes? You Decide!
- The line between ‘Hansel and Gretel’ and the history lessons in Florida is getting blurrier. Both have witches, but only one teaches the danger of going too far left on the GPS.
- The line between ‘Hansel and Gretel’ and the history lessons in Florida is getting blurrier. Both have witches, but only one teaches the danger of going too far left on the GPS.
The Counter:
- Who Needs Universal Healthcare When You’ve Got Universal Fear?
- Forget about teaching kids how to deal with a broken arm without going bankrupt. It’s more important they learn to brace for the Red Dawn.
- Forget about teaching kids how to deal with a broken arm without going bankrupt. It’s more important they learn to brace for the Red Dawn.
- Climate Change? More Like Climate Chained to an Ideology:
- Can’t have the kids worrying about rising sea levels when there’s the rising specter of communism that’s clearly more imminent.
- Can’t have the kids worrying about rising sea levels when there’s the rising specter of communism that’s clearly more imminent.
- Literature’s New Villains: The Communist Manifesto Monsters:
- Sherlock Holmes and Nancy Drew had their time. The new literary challenge for children? Discovering the cryptic messages in Karl Marx’s beard.
- Sherlock Holmes and Nancy Drew had their time. The new literary challenge for children? Discovering the cryptic messages in Karl Marx’s beard.
- Inclusive Education? More Like Invasive Indoctrination:
- We should make room for all perspectives, said no one in that legislature. Better build those ideological walls before our young ones learn to question them.
- We should make room for all perspectives, said no one in that legislature. Better build those ideological walls before our young ones learn to question them.
- Social Emotional Learning? We Prefer Emotional Red Scare Tactics:
- Why help children manage emotions and develop empathy when you can instill them with a healthy dose of existential dread for a system they don’t comprehend?
- Why help children manage emotions and develop empathy when you can instill them with a healthy dose of existential dread for a system they don’t comprehend?
The Hot Take:
Now, sit tight kiddos, Uncle Lewis is going to light up the barbecue of truth. You want to fix the real issues in education? Start by actually addressing the needs of students and teachers instead of using schools as battlegrounds for ideological showboating.
Invest in the future by funding education rather than funding fears. Remember, kids are like sponges; they’ll soak up knowledge, or they’ll soak up hysteria. It’s up to us which bucket we choose to dip them in.
Source: Florida Schools Must Teach ‘Evils Of Communism,’ Ron DeSantis Orders
