Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Look, I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath for the housing market to throw its next curveball, and California, the ever-reliable pitcher of cosmic comedy, has delivered! Picture this: a land so golden, folks are sprinting to ditch their homes faster than they’d flee from a yoga mat fire at a kombucha taproom.
The market has gone bananas—or should I say, avocados? Newsweek reports an almighty surge in homeowners looking to cash in their chips before the proverbial house of cards collapses. Now unpacking this pandemonium is like trying to find a non-organic apple in a San Francisco supermarket, but let’s face it, it’s the sheer joy of absurdity we’re after here!
The Breakdown:
- The Bay Area Bonanza
- It’s like the Gold Rush in reverse, folks! Instead of clamoring in, everyone’s racing to the exits. Where’s the fire, people? Oh right, it’s in the housing market.
- It’s like the Gold Rush in reverse, folks! Instead of clamoring in, everyone’s racing to the exits. Where’s the fire, people? Oh right, it’s in the housing market.
- The Sunshine Tax
- Who doesn’t love some extra sunshine with their mortgage? Apparently, Californians. They’re over it. They’ve had enough vitamin D to last a lifetime, and now they want out.
- Who doesn’t love some extra sunshine with their mortgage? Apparently, Californians. They’re over it. They’ve had enough vitamin D to last a lifetime, and now they want out.
- Techie Exodus
- The techies are saying goodbye to their smart homes and saying hello to… well, anywhere with data reception and fewer Teslas per capita.
- The techies are saying goodbye to their smart homes and saying hello to… well, anywhere with data reception and fewer Teslas per capita.
- The Traffic Jam Escape
- It turns out people don’t actually enjoy spending half their lives in traffic, calculating their car’s gas mileage by the inch. So, they’re decamping to places with more cows than cars.
- It turns out people don’t actually enjoy spending half their lives in traffic, calculating their car’s gas mileage by the inch. So, they’re decamping to places with more cows than cars.
- The Perfect Storm
- With wildfires, mudslides, and the occasional shaker, Californians are trading in their quake kits for a more stable foundation… literally.
- With wildfires, mudslides, and the occasional shaker, Californians are trading in their quake kits for a more stable foundation… literally.
The Counter:
- Nostalgic for the Commute?
- You’re telling me you no longer find joy in the two-hour commute to go 10 miles? Maybe Californians just need more audiobooks, or maybe a new hobby, like gridlock birdwatching!
- You’re telling me you no longer find joy in the two-hour commute to go 10 miles? Maybe Californians just need more audiobooks, or maybe a new hobby, like gridlock birdwatching!
- The Inconvenient Tech Bubble
- Without the booming tech presence in Silicon Valley, where will we get our next revolutionary app that reminds you when to breathe?
- Without the booming tech presence in Silicon Valley, where will we get our next revolutionary app that reminds you when to breathe?
- But the Weather, People!
- Yes, because there’s absolutely no place in this vast country with sunshine AND affordable housing. Looks like Californians prefer cloud cover with a chance of saving on sunscreen.
- Yes, because there’s absolutely no place in this vast country with sunshine AND affordable housing. Looks like Californians prefer cloud cover with a chance of saving on sunscreen.
- The Traffic Therapy
- Are we just going to ignore the therapeutic effects of endless honking and screaming into the void? It’s a revolutionary stress relief method – patent pending.
- Are we just going to ignore the therapeutic effects of endless honking and screaming into the void? It’s a revolutionary stress relief method – patent pending.
- Forgetting to Stop, Drop, and Roll
- Those disaster drills were just starting to be fun! By leaving, Californians are giving up the thrill of never knowing when a relaxing day might turn into a wild sprint from natural disasters.
- Those disaster drills were just starting to be fun! By leaving, Californians are giving up the thrill of never knowing when a relaxing day might turn into a wild sprint from natural disasters.
The Hot Take:
In conclusion, what this “For Sale” sign fiesta tells us is that Californians are tired of living in a world where the cost of a closet-sized condo rivals that of actual castles elsewhere. My hot take? Let’s legislate our way into a state where people can sustainably drink their oat milk lattes in peace, without the fear of defaulting on their mortgage.
If we want folks to stick around, we need some good old-fashioned policy renovations: tax incentives for living small, or maybe we just print more money—I mean, it’s basically Monopoly money at this point, right? Let’s make it so Californians don’t have to buy their furniture from the kids’ section at Ikea to fit into their economically-sized homes. It’s simple—well, not really, but at least it’s possible… right?
Source: California Sees Surge in Homeowners Trying to Sell Their Houses
