Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Oh, Coachella. Every year, like clockwork, the thirsty masses flock to the desert to partake in what can only be described as a ritualistic display of wallet-emptying for the sake of music, art, and… fashion? In this dystopian mirage, fashion trends emerge like they’ve been born from the dusty womb of the Indio Valley itself, desperate to be the next thing your bank account regrets. How Coachella Fashion Is Shaping This Summer’s Trends has all the gritty details about the kind of questionable life choices you can make simply by observing a festival-going herd.
The Breakdown
- Dressing like a Sedona Crystal Shop Threw Up on You
Be enlightened, they said. It’ll be transcendent, they said. But now? You’re wearing enough crystals to disrupt local radio frequencies, all in the name of ‘good vibes.’ Don’t mind the blistering sun; that quartz is going to align all your chakras, even if it burns you to a crisp. - The Inexplicable Return of the Fanny Pack
What’s old is new, what’s new is old, and the fanny pack—you know, the one your dad proudly donned in the ’80s—is now a sacred relic. But beware, they’re not just for carrying your mundane essentials; it’s a bold statement that yells, “I’m retro AND ready to party” while potentially tripping someone with its neon strap. - Glitter, and Not the Good Mariah Carey Kind
It seems we’ve decided collectively that the appropriate response to environmental issues is to throw bio-degradable glitter by the fistful. Sure, it’s eco-friendly until some poor fish ends up more decorated than your aunt’s scrapbook. - The Great Denim Shortage of 2024
Warning: Do not—I repeat, do NOT—invest in denim stocks before Coachella. Why? Have you seen the microscopic size of these shorts? The denim industry could be plummeting into despair as we speak, thanks to designers saving on material by creating shorts that double as denim underwear. - Hat’s All Folks!
Those wide-brimmed hats aren’t just a style statement, they are also a beacon, a homing signal for others of your breed. You can spot the true festival-goers by whether their headgear offers enough shade to host an entire picnic beneath it.
The Counter
- Maybe Bring Some Normal Clothes Too?
Say it with me: functionality. Because when the nighttime temperatures drop faster than your mood on a Monday morning, that faux-tribal poncho won’t seem like such a silly afterthought. - Mid-Drift Crisis
Sure, YOLO and all that, but consider a future where your crop top choices at Coachella don’t haunt you in photos for the next decade as a testament to your mid-drift crisis. - Glamping is Still Camping
If your manicure’s intact and there’s more than one layer to your outfit, you’re doing it wrong. It’s the desert, folks. Less is more, and sweat is inevitable, so let’s stop pretending Coachella is a runway show. - The Anti-Daisy Duke Manifesto
Denim should come with a ‘cover your ass-ets’ clause. Also, pockets that are more than just denim whispers where you can’t even store your newfound sense of festival enlightenment. - What Would Mom Say?
Have you thought about the life choices that led to you taking financial advice from a wind chime? No? Well, maybe it’s time you do. Reflect, as you stand in front of the Ferris wheel contemplating if your hat can also be used as a tent.
The Hot Take
Now let’s sprinkle some liberal love on this sartorial conundrum, shall we? First off, if we’re going to waste our hard-earned cash, let’s at least funnel it into the local economy. Buy from small designers who need it more than that corporate giant selling a bandana for the price of a small car.
Secondly, let’s declare Coachella a judgement-free zone. It’s the one place where being a walking, talking art installation is acceptable, but so is showing up in last year’s dust-ridden boots and a T-shirt from a concert where the guitarist now qualifies for a senior discount.
Lastly, the real fixer-upper: fashion that fights for a cause! Instead of glitter, let’s throw biodegradable seed bombs. Dress yourself in protest slogans. Turn those wide-brimmed hats into solar panels. Dance to the music and march against everything from climate change to healthcare. Let your hippie flag fly as you shuttle between sets, one recycled-plastic sandal at a time.
Source: How Coachella Fashion Is Shaping This Summer’s Trends
