Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
In a stunningly regressive dance on the tightrope of political relevancy, Kari Lake has recently boisterously lamented the lack of enforcement surrounding Arizona’s archaic 1864 abortion ban. Now, for those of you out there with a calendar, yes, that’s way, way back—around the time when people’s idea of high-tech was not dying of dysentery on the Oregon Trail.
Lake’s flip-flopping comes as a bizarre battle cry to her conservative base, aiming to resurrect a law so old it might as well be written on parchment. But here we are, in the 21st century, where Kari Lake seemingly wants us to party like it’s 1863.
The Breakdown:
- Historical Nostalgia at Its Finest:
- Kari Lake must have been feeling a bit nostalgic for the days of hoop skirts and horse-drawn carriages when she decided that the 1864 abortion ban should make a comeback. What’s next, bringing back the telegram?
- Kari Lake must have been feeling a bit nostalgic for the days of hoop skirts and horse-drawn carriages when she decided that the 1864 abortion ban should make a comeback. What’s next, bringing back the telegram?
- Constitutional Confusion:
- It seems Ms. Lake either skipped or snoozed during her Civics classes. Someone might need to whisper in her ear that laws generally need to adapt over centuries. Maybe we can use Morse code?
- It seems Ms. Lake either skipped or snoozed during her Civics classes. Someone might need to whisper in her ear that laws generally need to adapt over centuries. Maybe we can use Morse code?
- Unwavering Consistency (Not Really):
- If there’s one thing you can count on Kari Lake for, it’s her absolute consistency — consistently flipping positions, that is. She’s more back-and-forth than a metronome set on presto.
- If there’s one thing you can count on Kari Lake for, it’s her absolute consistency — consistently flipping positions, that is. She’s more back-and-forth than a metronome set on presto.
- Selective Enforcement Enthusiasm:
- Amidst debates about resources for enforcing laws, Lake zeroes in on an outdated, nearly forgotten abortion statute. Because, of course, there’s nothing else going on in Arizona that might need attention in 2024.
- Amidst debates about resources for enforcing laws, Lake zeroes in on an outdated, nearly forgotten abortion statute. Because, of course, there’s nothing else going on in Arizona that might need attention in 2024.
- Championing the Unpopular Opinion:
- Nothing says “vote for me” like advocating for a law that most of the populace finds as palatable as a liver and onions smoothie. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton; let’s see if it pays off for her.
- Nothing says “vote for me” like advocating for a law that most of the populace finds as palatable as a liver and onions smoothie. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton; let’s see if it pays off for her.
The Counter:
- Maybe Focus on the Present?
- Perhaps Ms. Lake could focus her energy on issues a tad more contemporary than those from when Arizona was just a toddler of a territory.
- Perhaps Ms. Lake could focus her energy on issues a tad more contemporary than those from when Arizona was just a toddler of a territory.
- Civics Refresher Course:
- A quick update on constitutional rights and the progress of societal norms since the days of Lincoln might be in order. There’s sure to be an online course available.
- A quick update on constitutional rights and the progress of societal norms since the days of Lincoln might be in order. There’s sure to be an online course available.
- The Art of Standing Firm:
- Standing firm on your beliefs is admirable, unless those beliefs wobble more than a gelatin dessert in an earthquake. Stability might be a trait her campaign could use.
- Standing firm on your beliefs is admirable, unless those beliefs wobble more than a gelatin dessert in an earthquake. Stability might be a trait her campaign could use.
- Resource Reallocation:
- Popularity Contest:
- When championing causes, maybe pick one that doesn’t alienate half of your constituents. Just a thought from the cheap seats!
- When championing causes, maybe pick one that doesn’t alienate half of your constituents. Just a thought from the cheap seats!
The Hot Take:
As we wrap up this circus of political absurdities, let’s take a moment to appreciate the simplicity of a not-so-simple solution: staying in the now. It’s 2024. Our phones can control our houses, cars can drive themselves, and yet some politicians want to steer us back to the era of candlelit surgeries.
Instead of resurrecting laws that should stay as dead as the dodo, maybe focus on laws that protect and progress. As a society, we should look forward, not backward, unless we’re trying to parallel park our horse and buggy. It’s high time to adjust the rear-view mirror, Kari, and maybe set your GPS to the present day.
Source: Kari Lake says ‘unfortunately’ Arizona isn’t enforcing 1864 abortion ban, flipping again
