Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
So, here’s the skinny folks: the dog-and-pony show known as the 2024 presidential election is revving up, and our health coverage is hanging on the balance like a piano over a cartoon character’s head. According to our pals at NBC News, millions could have their health snatched away faster than a toupee in a tornado if things take a sour turn. It’s like we’re all in a game of musical chairs, and the music’s about to stop with not nearly enough seats to go around.
The Breakdown
- Election Schmelection ➝ Health Connection
Just when you thought keeping up with the Kardashians was hard, enter the presidential election. It’s that time again when candidates promise everything but deliver a signed photo of Uncle Sam. It’s a link so clear, you’d think it was Windex. But here’s the gag: your flu shots might depend on who gets to sit in the Oval Office’s ergonomically unsound chairs. - Political Ping-Pong with Healthcare
Bonus points if you’ve ever used a paddle to whack a pill back to health. Our healthcare is the celluloid ball being slapped back and forth across an ideological net. One side says “save,” the other side says “slash,” and the public gets to be the net. Whoopee. - The Pre-Existing Condition of Chaos
Pre-existing conditions are now more popular than avocado on toast. But apparently, some folks up in Capitol Hill think it’s more about Protect and Skip, than Protect and Serve. “Oh, you have asthma? Sorry, that was so 2019. Try not breathing, it’s the latest craze.” - Medicaid: Now You See It, Soon You Don’t?
Medicaid has been playing peekaboo with us long enough to qualify for a beginner’s magic show. What the politicos don’t get is that “abracadabra” doesn’t work in the ER. Are they trying to disappear the safety net and leave us falling like Wile E. Coyote? Spoiler alert: there’s no ground-breaking ACME product to save the day. - Insurance Premiums Climbing Higher Than My Blood Pressure
Ah, insurance premiums, the gift that keeps on giving, except you didn’t ask for it, and it’s wrapped in red tape instead of a pretty bow. They say the best things in life are free, but clearly, none of these people have seen a hospital bill.
The Counter
- Tough It Out, Champ
Who needs healthcare when you’ve got grit, determination, and the ability to see through tears when you stub your toe? Next time you break an arm, just walk it off. It’s character building, and an excellent opportunity to practice your ambidexterity. - Insurance Schminsurance
Let’s go back to good ol’ barter system. I’ve got three chickens and a handshake — that should cover the hernia surgery, right? And if you’re out of poultry, try a heartfelt poem or a captivating jig. Totally equivalent to co-pay. - The Magic Pill is Being Rich
Simple solution? Just be wealthy. You blink and all medical worries vanish along with the mysterious case of Corporate Tax Break Syndrome. Nobody has ever seen a platinum health card? Figure it out; it doubles as a mirror to check how good you look in fiscal health. - Less People, Less Problems
If there aren’t enough people to cover, problem solved! Maybe Thanos was onto something with that whole ‘snapping’ business. After all, resource management is in this season, and so is nihilism. - Survival of the Fittest, Baby
Darwin would be proud. Natural selection is like the VIP line at the bank. Only the most pristine of genes get expedited service while the rest wait in the lobby. Grandpa’s old cough? Sounds like weak sauce to me.
The Hot Take
Ladies and gentlemen, gather around for the grand solution – The Liberal Lasso of Truth. Here’s the deal: we weave a single-payer system out of thin air, sprinkle some Medicare-For-All sparkles, and presto, no more health insurance blues. ‘Cause you know what’s better than hoping your health coverage sticks around after November? Knowing that it will.
So let’s tie that lasso tight, let every candidate know that healthcare is a right, not the spoils of war. It’s time to stick it to the man—or better yet, stick it to the system that leaves us choosing between groceries or seeing a doctor.
Source: How the 2024 presidential election may threaten health coverage for millions
