Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Eric Bolling, a face frequently seen on Newsmax, apparently had a gastronomical breakdown… over President Biden eating a salad. Yes, you heard that right! In what barely qualifies as news, Bolling vehemently expressed outrage over the President opting for a greens-based meal, a decision he seemed to find as indecent as a scandal in the oval office.
This bizarre outburst begs the question: Where do we draw the line for acceptable presidential veggies? It’s clear that Newsmax is scraping the bottom of the barrel for headlines, but let’s toss this salad of a story around, shall we?
The Breakdown
- Salad Crisis Levels: Bolling uses national TV to double down on the severity posed by Biden’s choice of lunch. Not since the Cuban Missile Crisis have we witnessed such an intense scrutiny of a leader’s choice. I’m sleeping safer tonight knowing Bolling’s on salad watch.
Specifics: Bolling was practically foaming over the foliage, turning an ordinary lunch choice into a national security question. Next, we’ll consult him on the implications of Biden choosing arugula over iceberg!
- Dressing-Gate: The Newsmax host dissected what the President’s salad dressing choice says about America. Caesar? Clearly, a tyrannical lean. French? Obviously, a sign of international conspiracy.
Specifics: Bolling’s breakdown on dressing preferences on a news channel might just be the most riveting culinary critique since Gordon Ramsay discovered olive oil.
- Fork Full of Controversy: His concerns didn’t stop at leafy greens; no, Bolling delved deep into dietary diplomacy, declaring Biden’s bite of a carrot as a slap to every meat-lover.
Specifics: Because everyone knows, real patriots chew beef, not beta-carotene. These vegetable vendettas might just split the nation—farmers versus ranchers, lettuce versus steak.
- The Lettuce Wall: Apparently, Biden hiding behind a bowl of salad might just be a ploy to distract Americans from real issues—like why hasn’t the President addressed the nationwide shortage of croutons?
Specifics: Yes, because when the economy and international relations are on the line, the real question should definitely be about whether our croutons are crispy enough.
- Olive Oil Conspiracy: Trickling down to the real issues, Bolling suspiciously points out the origins of the olive oil, hinting at a deeper connection to overseas oil oligarchs.
Specifics: Who knew olive oil could drip into political conspiracy theories? Next up: How balsamic vinaigrette is plotting to overthrow democracy.
The Counter
- Oh, Romaine Calm!: Yes, our Commander in Crunch chose a salad, and the country didn’t fall into anarchy. Maybe it’s time Newsmax considered a segment on yoga to help Bolling find his inner peace—and lettuce love.
- Dressing Down: If choosing Caesar dressing sends Bolling into a despotic dilemma, wait until he finds out people freely eat Russian dressing in the U.S. Red scare, salad edition!
- Carrot Conspiracy: Last time I checked, encouraging a healthy diet probably won’t lead America down a path of ruin. Unless those carrots are secretly carrying Marxist messages.
- Crouton Gate: Prioritizing bread bits while the world faces actual crises is like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic—fiddling with foodstuffs as the real issues sink.
- Un-Oiling the Politics: Let’s not drizzle extra paranoia on our plates. The origin of olive oil might just be… regular trade and not a drizzle of deceit.
The Hot Take
In this harrowing era where salad choices become political battlegrounds, what’s truly missing is a sense of humor—and perhaps some perspective. My liberally seasoned advice? Let’s stop making mountains out of molehills or molehills out of mixed greens.
Instead of dissecting the President’s diet, we could focus on real issues—like healthcare, education, and yes, even climate change. Or perhaps, all Newsmax needs to pacify its pundits is a good, old-fashioned bake sale. Because clearly, a few more carbs might just help them chill out.
Source: Newsmax Host Eric Bolling Goes Off the Rails Over Biden Eating Salad
