Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Source: Biden says border hasn’t been secure for the ‘last 10 years’
The Details
In the astonishing revelation that’s as shocking as hearing someone passed gas after a bean feast, President Biden declared that the border hasn’t been secure for the last ten years. Yes, folks, in a statement that blew minds with the force of a toddler’s bubble wand, Biden essentially gave a “no duh” update to the situation at the border. Because, you know, suddenly realising that there’s a border issue is as timely as starting your Christmas shopping on December 24th.
The article from The Hill delves into the nitty-gritty of Biden’s epiphany, which must have hit him as hard as realizing that water is wet. It covers the whirlwind adventure of border security, or lack thereof, with all the finesse of a gazelle on roller skates.
The Breakdown
- “A Decade of Oopsies”
Sadly, looking back at the last ten years of border security is like peering into your fridge to find out you’ve had nothing but expired milk since 2012. And you just kept buying more milk, never throwing out the old stuff. Kudos. - “Is There a Border?”
It seems officials have just discovered maps and suddenly realized, “Hey, there’s a line here between countries!” I guess those border signs are more than just great spots for selfies, huh? - “Money, Money, Money… No Wait, Where’d It Go?”
Trillions have been spent on border security, but it seems the cash has the same issue as socks in the laundry – you always lose one. Maybe we should put GPS trackers on those dollar bills. - “The Great Wall of ‘Meh'”
Proposals for a border wall rose and fell faster than a dieter’s resolve in a donut shop. Now we’re left with a fence strategy that’s about as robust as using spaghetti to keep out ants. - “Technology to the Rescue?”
Modern tech was supposed to be our savior. Drones and sensors! But it turns out those gizmos often end up on the sidelines, like the nerdy kid during dodgeball. They’re part of the team but don’t really get in the game.
The Counter
- “It’s Been Secure, We Just Didn’t Notice”
Maybe the border has been as secure as Fort Knox, and we were all just too busy watching cat videos to realize. It’s not a crisis; it’s an alternative success! - “Signage Solutions”
Clearly, what the border needs are more signs. Big, friendly letters saying, “Please don’t cross here.” If that doesn’t work, try “Pretty please?” It’s all about manners. - “Invisible Fences Work for Dogs, Right?”
Who needs walls when you’ve got the non-existent power of invisible fences? They keep Fido in the yard, so surely they’ll work for national security! - “Money Is Overrated Anyway”
Who says you need money to secure a border? Maybe a barter system could work. We could trade compliments for security. “Nice shirt, Mexico. Now, about that border…” - “Build the Wall Out of Bureaucracy”
Nothing stops people in their tracks like good old-fashioned red tape. Build a wall out of paper forms and procedures, and nobody will ever get through it.
The Hot Take
Well, here we go, strap in! If we want to solve the border crisis, it’s time to think outside the box—or outside the borders, so to speak. Forget building higher walls; let’s build a moat and fill it with enlightenment. We can toss in free copies of “On Civil Disobedience” and have floating education seminars. We can add a touch of green energy by using the border patrol’s tears of frustration to power the whole shebang.
In a move that would make environmentalists swoon, we’ll plant a forest so thick at the border, even Wi-Fi signals won’t get through. On every tree, a plaque inscribed with “Give Us Your Tired, Your Poor,” just to remind us that unless our Native American, everybody’s family came from over yonder.
Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen, it’s not just a border issue; it’s a fiesta of policy, ethics, and sheer human determination wrapped up in a burrito of bureaucracy. If irony were a renewable resource, we’d be the leading exporters. So let’s lean back, crack a smile, and sort this mess out with a little bit of humor and a lot of hope. Because if we can’t laugh at our problems while solving them, then, folks, we really have lost the plot.
