Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
First off, let me just say this: Apple has apparently unveiled the first rational theory of AI for the masses. To which I have to wonder, when did Google Maps become irrational?
The geniuses over at Apple apparently believe that in order for us to understand artificial intelligence, they’ve gotta make it something we can actually use. Because, you know, Siri and autocorrect have been so user-friendly thus far. Raise your hand if Siri has ever understood you when you asked her to play some Zeppelin and she started playing the soundtrack from Frozen. Yeah, it’s like dealing with that one friend who just can never get the message and insists you need more Disney in your life.
So what does Apple’s rational theory entail? Well, for one thing, they’re convinced that we, the average human population, need AI to be more intuitive. Like, what? Are they expecting it to clean up our messes before we even make them now? Imagine that. You spill a glass of wine on the carpet, and the AI already knew you were going to spill it before you even poured it. Great, now it’s a digital psychic. Can I get it to predict my next meltdown?
Apple’s take on AI feels like the equivalent of teaching a fish to ride a bicycle. We’ve survived this long with basic instincts, thank you very much. We already have smart fridges that tell us when we’re running low on milk, yet somehow, we still manage to forget to buy it half the time. Siri, remind me to ignore you.
Then, there’s this mad rush to integrate AI into everything. Your phone, your watch, your car, your toaster. Seriously, pretty soon we’re going to have AI-enabled toilet paper that tells us when we need to, let’s say, wipe more efficiently. Because nothing says progress like an inanimate roll of paper judging your hygiene habits.
And what happens when we integrate AI into our daily lives? Chaos. Absolute chaos. I can just see it now. Robots running around taking over our jobs, while we sit at home asking Alexa why our laundry never folded itself and playing 20 questions with Google Assistant, Who killed JFK? What really happened to Tupac? Can you microwave Metallica songs?
The truth is, AI’s so-called rational theory is just another way of perpetuating our laziness. Instead of learning to do things, we expect a virtual assistant to handle it. What’s next? An AI that’s going to stand in line at the DMV for you? Actually, that might be worth it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for technological advancements, but AI seems like that kid in school who tried too hard and never shut up about how they got an A on every single exam. Just because it’s capable of doing everything, doesn’t mean it should. It’s like giving a chainsaw to a toddler because they’ve mastered their ABCs. Impressive, sure, but also highly unnecessary and potentially harmful.
So, what does Apple think their AI can do that existing AIs can’t? Talk to you like a human being? Heck, some people can’t talk to other people like human beings. Good luck with that, Apple. Maybe next they’ll get Siri to understand sarcasm, though I doubt it. If Siri can’t even recognize simple directions without saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that,” I don’t have much hope for nuanced humor.
And let’s be clear, AI is not the salvation we’ve been promised. It’s more like icing on a cake that’s already been sitting out for three days—sure, it looks good, but it’s got some weird stuff growing underneath the surface. For instance, AI in medicine sounds fantastic until you realize that one glitch could turn a routine diagnosis into a wrong amputation. Great. Now I’m missing a leg but at least they’ve got my allergy to peanuts on file.
Apple, if you’re listening, and I know you are because you’re probably spying on me through my phone, how about you create an AI that relieves the actual stress of living in this world rather than adding more complexities? We don’t need our appointment reminders sang to us in soprano by an AI opera singer, we need someone to tell us why the whole system is so insanely flawed.
So yes, Apple, keep peddling your rational theory of AI for the masses, but remember: We don’t need another reason to feel dumber. We already have cats that play the piano on YouTube for that.
Source: Apple just unveiled the first rational theory of AI for the masses
