Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
In the theatrical performance that is global politics, Ukraine has been playing the most gut-wrenching role of heroic struggle for the past two years. Just when you think the intermission is coming, the plot intensifies. On the anniversary that nobody wanted tickets for, Ukraine is still punching way above its weight against a bear—a real big one. If we were handing out awards for tenacity, Ukraine would be sweeping the floor with everyone else combined. And the twist? It’s still unclear how this drama unfolds because, let’s be real, resolving conflicts with rational discussion went out of fashion with bell-bottoms.
The Breakdown
- Ukraine, the Steven Seagal of countries: It just won’t go down. You think it’s backed into a corner but—surprise!—it’s still up, still fighting, and somehow still has a ponytail.
- Specifics: Much like an old Seagal flick, the determination of Ukraine is both impressive and somewhat bewildering. With international aid that seems more like an IOU promise, Ukraine continues its action-hero stance against an adversary who thought it would be a quick on-screen fight followed by triumphant gloating.
- The Underdog Story to End All Underdog Stories:
- Specifics: If you’re a fan of rooting for the little guy, you’ve got your poster child right here. Ukraine’s standing its ground with the gritty persistence of a terrier that’s latched onto a big, growly bear’s leg and just won’t let go.
- The World’s Most Morose Game of Tag:
- Specifics: The phrase, “You’re It!” has never been so dark or so international. Two years of tag with heavy artillery instead of hands, and everyone’s too stubborn to just take a timeout and go home.
- The Oscars of Suffering:
- Specifics: War correspondents are the paparazzi of human tragedy, and boy, have they got their money shots. If suffering were an art, this grim gallery would already be full of critics and champagne.
- Fighting with Weapons vs. Fighting with Wallets:
- Specifics: On one side, actual weapons, on the other, countries waving their economic sanctions like blunt swords. It’s like a billionaire boasting at a knife fight: “Do you know how much these shoes cost?”
The Counter
- Actually, Steven Seagal Might Win:
- Because when has overestimating your opponent ever backfired in history, right?
- Let’s Bet on the Little Guy:
- Praise David all you want, but sometimes Goliath just doesn’t play by the feel-good Hollywood script.
- The Tag Game That Everyone Enjoys:
- Nothing like a bit of war to spice up those monotonous international relationships.
- Suffering is Optional, Not Mandatory:
- If only there was a way to just switch channels to something a bit more light-hearted, like a competitive cooking show.
- Money Talks, Right?
The Hot Take
If this were a simple sitcom scenario, the fix would be a group hug and a heartfelt lesson about understanding at the end of a 30-minute episode. But no, this is more like the series finale everyone hopes gets renewed for just one more season—except in this case, because everyone just wants it to end.
In the spirit of the typically liberal solution of hugging it out, here’s a thought: what if we sent waves of conflict resolution counselors over, clipboards in hand, ready to champion the power of ‘I feel’ statements? Imagine battle-hardened troops pausing to explore their emotional landscapes. Oh, the power of passive-aggressiveness could be the unheralded hero we never knew we needed.
And if that doesn’t work, we could always try sarcasm. It’s renewable, sustainable, and everybody has a sizeable reserve. Just ask any teenager.
Source: On second anniversary of war, Ukraine struggles to fight on
