Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Overview
In a spectacle of political ventriloquism that would make even the most seasoned comedians balk, former President Donald Trump recently berated Democrat-voting Jews, for their electoral preferences, accusing them of a lack of religious loyalty. This performance, a masterclass in the art of irony, deserves a standing ovation from the congregation of satirists. It’s an act so rich with material, one hardly knows where to start. But, for those who crave the breakdown, your wish is my command.
The Breakdown
- Trump Takes the Pulpit: The former Commander-in-Grief has decided he’s now a religious authority. Honestly, who better to judge religious commitment than the guy with five kids from three different marriages? I’m surprised he hasn’t written his own commandment: “Thou shalt not vote Democrat, or else.”
- Specifics: Evidently, Trump decided to shine his divine insight on the Jewish community, chastising their Democrat leanings with the subtlety of a megachurch’s donation basket.
- Specifics: Evidently, Trump decided to shine his divine insight on the Jewish community, chastising their Democrat leanings with the subtlety of a megachurch’s donation basket.
- “They Don’t Love Israel Enough”: According to Trump, voting Democrat is equivalent to mailing your Jewish identity and Zionism back to God with a “return to sender” note.
- Specifics: It’s clear that a Democrat ballot is somehow religiously negligent, if not downright heretical, in the Church of Trump. You got to love the assumption that political affiliation is the eighth deadly sin.
- Specifics: It’s clear that a Democrat ballot is somehow religiously negligent, if not downright heretical, in the Church of Trump. You got to love the assumption that political affiliation is the eighth deadly sin.
- Trump the Theological Scholar: It’s heartwarming to see Trump, a man of such spiritual depth that he made “Two Corinthians” famous, lecture an entire faith group on their beliefs.
- Specifics: His theological muscles are so well-developed from lifting all those Bibles during photo ops, I’m surprised he doesn’t have a Ph.D. in Divinity by now.
- Specifics: His theological muscles are so well-developed from lifting all those Bibles during photo ops, I’m surprised he doesn’t have a Ph.D. in Divinity by now.
- Allegiance to the Almighty Dollar: Trump’s pontifications reveal a deep spiritual conviction that’s about as authentic as a three-dollar bill.
- Specifics: The bluster comes down to an almost biblical idolization of money over matters of social justice, healthcare, and environmental stewardship.
- Specifics: The bluster comes down to an almost biblical idolization of money over matters of social justice, healthcare, and environmental stewardship.
- Religious Rights (When It’s Right for Him): Trump has become a guardianship of the faith, provided your faith aligns perfectly with his—and only his—political ideology.
- Specifics: Religious freedom, in the Trumpian Bible, comes with an asterisk: *Terms and conditions may apply. Your God must support mine.
- Specifics: Religious freedom, in the Trumpian Bible, comes with an asterisk: *Terms and conditions may apply. Your God must support mine.
The Counter
- The Divine Democrat: On the flip side, we might start seeing Democrats turn water into wine at fundraisers. Does that come with campaign finance laws?
- Specifics: If Trump can dictate religious authenticity, Democrats might as well cash in on those miracle-making profit margins.
- Specifics: If Trump can dictate religious authenticity, Democrats might as well cash in on those miracle-making profit margins.
- Scripture As Seen on TV: Perhaps the “Art of the Deal” is just a modern retelling of the Bible. In which case, cable news is just church for politics.
- Specifics: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s White House job title. Too late?
- Specifics: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s White House job title. Too late?
- Trump Loves Everyone Equally: It’s comforting to know Trump holds every religious voter to the same standard—at least once they mention they might not vote for him.
- Specifics: One nation under Trump, divisible by voting records, with liberty and justice for all—members of Mar-a-Lago.
- Specifics: One nation under Trump, divisible by voting records, with liberty and justice for all—members of Mar-a-Lago.
- Turn The Other Tweet: If attacked politically, do like Trump does: never forgive and tweet until your thumbs blister.
- Specifics: Blessed are the Tweeters, for they shall inherit the Earth… or at least a few hours of media coverage.
- Specifics: Blessed are the Tweeters, for they shall inherit the Earth… or at least a few hours of media coverage.
- WWJD (What Would Jared Do?): I mean, Jared Kushner, Trump’s Jewish son-in-law, must be Trump’s primary Rabbinical consultant, right?
- Specifics: Because if you’re looking for religious advice, always consult the family member with vested political and business interest.
- Specifics: Because if you’re looking for religious advice, always consult the family member with vested political and business interest.
The Hot Take
Here’s a scorching observation from the liberal kitchen: if you want more Jews—or anyone, for that matter—to vote for your party, maybe start by not insulting their faith. And, I’m just spitballing here, but possibly support policies that embrace compassion, equality, and social welfare—the very tenets many religious texts are based on. Now that’s a slice of radical thought that could just bake into a decent policy pie. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a comedian who thought “thou shalt not lie” was still in vogue.
Source: Donald Trump slams Democrat-voting Jews, says they hate their religion
