Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a stunning display of ‘how not to be a law enforcement officer,’ an ex-Mississippi cop has been blessed with a long-awaited vacation behind bars—20 whole years, to be exact. This fine specimen of dereliction decided that a bit of racist torture was the way to climb the career ladder. Of course, instead of earning accolades, he’s earned a pretty pair of silver bracelets and a lengthy stay in the Big House. Not exactly the promotion he was angling for.
The Breakdown:
- The “Justice is Blind” Routine
- “Protect and Serve” Gets a New Meaning
- The gallant officer swore to ‘protect and serve,’ but it seems he misplaced the manual. His version involved handcuffs, fear, and racism. If only someone had clarified earlier that those aren’t the community relations tactics recommended in the training manual.
- The gallant officer swore to ‘protect and serve,’ but it seems he misplaced the manual. His version involved handcuffs, fear, and racism. If only someone had clarified earlier that those aren’t the community relations tactics recommended in the training manual.
- Career Advancement Tactics for the Morally Bankrupt
- Move over, LinkedIn—racist torture could just be the new method of climbing the career ladder, if you’re looking to end up in the state-sponsored gated community, that is. Mr. Ex-Cop put all his eggs in a basket labeled “Hey! Look at me, I’m a terrible human being!” Sadly, the only thing he’s leading now is a conga line in the penitentiary’s yard.
- Move over, LinkedIn—racist torture could just be the new method of climbing the career ladder, if you’re looking to end up in the state-sponsored gated community, that is. Mr. Ex-Cop put all his eggs in a basket labeled “Hey! Look at me, I’m a terrible human being!” Sadly, the only thing he’s leading now is a conga line in the penitentiary’s yard.
- Learning the Hard Way
- There’s a lesson to be learned here, and it’s not just “don’t get caught.” It’s more along the lines of “don’t do hideous things to other humans.” Sadly, it seems like some people have to learn the basics long after pre-school.
- There’s a lesson to be learned here, and it’s not just “don’t get caught.” It’s more along the lines of “don’t do hideous things to other humans.” Sadly, it seems like some people have to learn the basics long after pre-school.
- Judge and Jury: Not Fans of Irony
- It turns out that judges and juries don’t have quite the same sense of irony. Inflicting terror doesn’t make you Judge Dredd—it makes you an inmate. Looks like justice isn’t just blind—it’s armed with a wicked sense of karmic rebound.
- It turns out that judges and juries don’t have quite the same sense of irony. Inflicting terror doesn’t make you Judge Dredd—it makes you an inmate. Looks like justice isn’t just blind—it’s armed with a wicked sense of karmic rebound.
The Counter:
- It Was a Team-Building Exercise
- Perhaps we’re looking at this all wrong. Maybe this was a (very) misguided attempt at a trust-building retreat. Handcuffs, intimidation, the threat of violence—just your typical corporate bonding stuff, right?
- Perhaps we’re looking at this all wrong. Maybe this was a (very) misguided attempt at a trust-building retreat. Handcuffs, intimidation, the threat of violence—just your typical corporate bonding stuff, right?
- Maybe He Misread the Constitution
- Reading is hard. Maybe in between all the vigorous policing, our star officer glanced at the Constitution and read “cruel and unusual punishment” as career advice. A simple misunderstanding, surely.
- Reading is hard. Maybe in between all the vigorous policing, our star officer glanced at the Constitution and read “cruel and unusual punishment” as career advice. A simple misunderstanding, surely.
- Fear Was the Missing Secret Ingredient
- Everyone’s looking to spice things up at work, and what’s spicier than fear? Literally nothing makes for a more thrilling workday than sprinkling a little terror into your routine. A real flavor enhancer.
- Everyone’s looking to spice things up at work, and what’s spicier than fear? Literally nothing makes for a more thrilling workday than sprinkling a little terror into your routine. A real flavor enhancer.
- Racism is So Vintage
- It’s like he was going for that retro, antiquated aesthetic. Nothing says ‘vintage’ like racism and torture. They’re practically collector’s items. After all, who needs progress when you can take society back a hundred years?
- It’s like he was going for that retro, antiquated aesthetic. Nothing says ‘vintage’ like racism and torture. They’re practically collector’s items. After all, who needs progress when you can take society back a hundred years?
- Maybe He Was Auditioning for a Villain Role
- Hollywood is always on the lookout for new talent. Perhaps this egregious display of villainy wasn’t a crime but a high-stakes, method-acting audition that went too far. Oh, you villain, you.
- Hollywood is always on the lookout for new talent. Perhaps this egregious display of villainy wasn’t a crime but a high-stakes, method-acting audition that went too far. Oh, you villain, you.
The Hot Take:
Wrapping this up like leftovers nobody wants, it seems our best approach moving forward is simple: don’t be racist, and don’t torture people. Revolutionary, I know! But what if—stick with me here—we start holding accountable those who parade round in a badge as if it’s a free pass to act on their worst impulses?
Maybe, just maybe, if society treated being a decent human being as a basic job requirement for cops, we could avoid these “20 years in the slammer” scenarios. Here’s a crazy thought: let’s educate, reform, and—wait for it—punish those who perpetrate such behaviors. And while we’re tossing around ideas, maybe overhaul that whole system? I mean, it’s just a suggestion. We know it’s a stretch, but if sarcasm could reform the legal system, this article would have just saved the world.
Source: Ex-Mississippi Cop Sentenced to 20 Years For Racist Torture of Two Black Men
