Wind and Solar Get a Groupon Deal for Public Lands

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

In what reads like a shocking twist of common sense, the Department of the Interior has decided that maybe, just maybe, we ought to incentivize the harnessing of wind and solar energy on public lands. I know, I’m as surprised as you are—they somehow managed to think straight without getting an electric shock! Their brilliant plan to cut costs for green energy production is like finding out your grandma is actually a rave DJ; pleasantly astonishing and about darn time. Now, let’s break this down without breaking our heads against the wall.

The Breakdown

1. “Land Ho, but Make It Windy!”
   • Apparently, the government has just realized that empty land could be used for something other than collecting tumbleweeds. So, they’ve rolled out the red carpet for wind turbines by offering up public lands for renewable energy development. Bravo! It’s like discovering fire… for the second time.
     
     
2. “Sunny With a Chance of Profit”
   • Solar panel enthusiasts can now rejoice as the sun-soaked public lands are up for grabs at a lower cost, making the future so bright, you might want to invest in some heavy-duty shades. Who knew the sun shined for other reasons than giving you a nasty sunburn at the beach?
     
     
3. “Discounts Bigger Than Your Electricity Bill”
   • The cost reduction for using these lands is akin to finding a Black Friday deal without the risk of being trampled. Developers can now save some green while going green. This is cause for celebration—eco-friendly confetti and biodegradable balloons for everyone!
     
     
4. “Fine Print Larger Than a Wind Turbine”
   • Of course, this deal comes with the governmental version of ‘terms and conditions may apply’. So, make sure you read that fine print, or you might end up accidentally leasing Area 51.
     
     
5. “Red Tape Turned Green(ish)”
   • The path to approval for these projects is now less like a labyrinth designed by a lunatic and more like a mildly inconvenient game of hopscotch. It’s not completely hassle-free, but at least you won’t need a PhD in Bureaucracy to make it through.
     

The Counter

1. “Eagles vs. Wind Turbines: The Ultimate Showdown”
   • Environmentalists and birds alike might be getting their feathers ruffled thinking about all those wind turbines—eagle population control, or a step towards clean energy? It’s like deciding between ordering pizza and making salad while on a diet.
     
     
2. “Solar Panels: The New Real Estate Bubble”
   • Have we considered what happens when all this land is taken up by solar panels? Where will all the cacti go? Imagine the next housing bubble, but instead of houses, just rows upon rows of shiny reflective panels. Sun glare everywhere!
     
     
3. “The ‘But it Ruins My View’ Argument”
   • There’s always that one person complaining about how turbines and panels ruin the natural landscape. These are probably the same folks who think that oil rigs are the height of modern art.
     
     
4. “When the Sun Doesn’t Shine and the Wind Doesn’t Blow”
   • They’ll say renewable energy is all well and good until the weather decides to take a day off. Oh, the horror of relying on something as unpredictable as… nature.
     
     
5. “The Inevitable Solar Scams”
   • With cheaper access to solar, brace yourselves for the incoming wave of sleazy salesmen and shoddy contractors ready to cash in on your green dreams. Nothing says ‘renewable energy’ like a solar panel duct-taped to your roof, right?
     

The Hot Take

Let’s wrap this up with a little firebrand wisdom. The Department of the Interior is finally throwing a bone to wind and solar, and that’s fantastic—but let’s not pat ourselves on the back just yet. This is like celebrating after putting on running shoes without actually doing the running. If we want to save this spinning rock we call home, it’s high time we sprint towards that renewable energy finish line with the stamina of a caffeinated hamster on a wheel.

So here’s a hot, liberal take; let’s maximize this solar and wind energy fiesta by mandarining solar panels and wind turbines on all new constructions—because nothing screams ‘frequent flyer points’ like bonus panels for every mile high building.

And while we’re at it, throw in a tax that makes Scrooge McDuck’s vault look like a charity jar—the ‘Polluters Pay Up’ tax. Oh, and one last thing: let’s make environmental education as common as those highly useful algebra classes. Because knowing how to find X is as important as knowing your planet isn’t just a disposable coffee cup.

And remember, when in doubt, throw a solar panel on it. It’s the modern-day equivalent of ‘putting a bird on it’ and just as hipster-approved.

Source: Interior cuts costs for wind, solar on public lands