Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
You know what grinds my gears? When the guys you hire to protect you are the same ones you need protection from. It’s like hiring a dietitian who subsists entirely on Big Macs and doughnuts. It’s insane! And yet, here we are, staring down one of those sublime peaks of absurdity, as Ukraine’s President Zelenskiy has had to fire his chief bodyguard after the arrest of two officers. Comedy gold, folks, and I’m not even making this up.
It’s a world where you need a cheat sheet just to keep track of who’s guarding whom, and if those guardians are, in fact, the villains. I mean, come on, is it too much to ask for bodyguards that don’t need their own bodyguards? It’s like if your lifeguard needed a floatation device.
So, Zelenskiy’s top security dude gets the axe because a couple of his staff were presumably doing the opposite of their job. That’s right. In a twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan blush, the protectors turned into the threats. You know things are messed up when the script of your security detail starts reading like a bad spy novel.
And what’s the response from the top? A swift firing! It’s so swift you could almost miss it while blinking. Nothing says ‘responsibility’ like firing the guy whose only fault was not realizing his team preferred cloak and dagger games to, you know, actual work. Here’s an idea: Maybe hire a few mystery writers next time. At least they can spot a plot twist.
But let’s dive deeper, folks. What does this say about vetting processes? Are they picking bodyguard staff by playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey? Maybe next time, throw in a background check or two. I mean, even my coffee machine has a more rigorous screening process than this. And trust me, you don’t want to know what my espresso gets up to after dark.
This whole debacle is like watching someone trying to patch a leaking boat with chewing gum. Sure, it might hold for all of two seconds, but you’re gonna get wet. And our friend Zelenskiy? He’s not just wet; he’s practically hosting his own version of Waterworld.
And amidst this chaos, let’s throw a spotlight on the rest of us, just trying to make sense of it all. As everyday people, we watch these stories unfold and wonder, “Could our own protectors be double agents?” It’s enough to make you paranoid. Pretty soon, we’ll start checking our cats for listening devices. And trust me, Mr. Whiskers has been acting suspiciously knowledgeable about geopolitical affairs.
So here’s to hoping Zelenskiy gets his house in order, and we all get a little better at picking friends… and security staff. Because the only thing worse than needing a bodyguard is needing protection from your bodyguard. And maybe, just maybe, we’re all in need of some security that can actually do the job without turning into a liability. Otherwise, I’m buying a better lock. And maybe a moat.
Source: Zelenskiy Fires Bodyguard Chief After Arrest of Two Officers
