Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
The Breakdown
Well, isn’t this a surprise as fresh as day-old bread? Donald Trump, the forever-anchorman of chaos, doubles down on camouflaging capers with capricious loyalty—to rioters, nonetheless! As the legal noose around his empire of incredulities tightens, Trump plays his favorite tune: rallying the band of January 6th enthusiasts.
- O Captain, My Captain of Catastrophe
- If there was an Olympic sport for clinging onto controversy, Trump would be waving gold, not just an American flag. His unwavering cheer for convicted insurrectionists is the shoutout no one asked for, like distant relatives rooting for you on Facebook.
- If there was an Olympic sport for clinging onto controversy, Trump would be waving gold, not just an American flag. His unwavering cheer for convicted insurrectionists is the shoutout no one asked for, like distant relatives rooting for you on Facebook.
- The High-Stakes Poker of Popularity
- Trump, in true gambler spirit, bets his political chips on the fervor of the convict choir. Spoiler: It’s a risky move that has advisors face-palming into oblivion and adversaries stocking up on popcorn.
- Trump, in true gambler spirit, bets his political chips on the fervor of the convict choir. Spoiler: It’s a risky move that has advisors face-palming into oblivion and adversaries stocking up on popcorn.
- The Boomerang of Back-Pats and Backstabbing
- In today’s edition of ‘That Escalated Quickly,’ Trump throws bouquets at those charged for the Capitol riot, only to possibly receive brickbats if the winds change. Convict love seems to be the rage, until it bites back, right?
- In today’s edition of ‘That Escalated Quickly,’ Trump throws bouquets at those charged for the Capitol riot, only to possibly receive brickbats if the winds change. Convict love seems to be the rage, until it bites back, right?
- The Rhetoric Rollercoaster: Hold On Tight
- The Trump-themed amusement park of rhetoric never disappoints. It churns out loop-de-loops of support for rioters facing trial. They probably wish it came with a fast pass to acquittal.
- The Trump-themed amusement park of rhetoric never disappoints. It churns out loop-de-loops of support for rioters facing trial. They probably wish it came with a fast pass to acquittal.
- The ‘Me Against the World’ Sales Pitch
- Rallying the storming aficionados? Check. Us-against-them spiel? Double-check. Trump merchandizes victimhood with the gusto of a late-night infomercial, where every sentence ends in an exclamation point!
- Rallying the storming aficionados? Check. Us-against-them spiel? Double-check. Trump merchandizes victimhood with the gusto of a late-night infomercial, where every sentence ends in an exclamation point!
The Counter
- The Masterclass in Responsibility Evasion
- Trump takes ‘not my fault’ to new levels of artistry. It’s like watching a magician convincing everyone that the rabbit pulled him out of the hat. Surprise, it’s still magic if only you believe it.
- Trump takes ‘not my fault’ to new levels of artistry. It’s like watching a magician convincing everyone that the rabbit pulled him out of the hat. Surprise, it’s still magic if only you believe it.
- The Misguided Tour Guide
- Join Trump on a joyride of justification where every stop is an opportunity to argue that vindication is just around the corner. And if you reach a dead end? Well, the tour must go on!
- Join Trump on a joyride of justification where every stop is an opportunity to argue that vindication is just around the corner. And if you reach a dead end? Well, the tour must go on!
- The Elusive Art of Subtle Endorsement
- With the subtlety of a bullhorn, Trump hints at solidarity with his rioting fan club. It’s almost as if he’s trying to be cryptic but tweets in ALL CAPS.
- With the subtlety of a bullhorn, Trump hints at solidarity with his rioting fan club. It’s almost as if he’s trying to be cryptic but tweets in ALL CAPS.
- The Town Crier of Mar-a-Lago
- Sending sound waves of support, Trump’s tactic is to bellow from the rooftops till the reverberations reach the courtroom. Sound legal strategy or noise complaint waiting to happen?
- Sending sound waves of support, Trump’s tactic is to bellow from the rooftops till the reverberations reach the courtroom. Sound legal strategy or noise complaint waiting to happen?
- The Self-Anointed Knight Defender
- Riding the steed of self-righteousness into the sunset of social division, Trump brandishes the flag of otherism like a middle-schooler claiming king of the hill. Playground politics at its best.
- Riding the steed of self-righteousness into the sunset of social division, Trump brandishes the flag of otherism like a middle-schooler claiming king of the hill. Playground politics at its best.
The Hot Take
Public service announcement from yours truly: embracing insurrectionists may not be the quick-fix band-aid to regain political immortality. Perhaps a sprinkle of accountability, a dollop of decorum, and a generous serving of common sense is the start of a less divisive menu. But then again, if unicorns could vote, I’m betting they’d demand more than fairy tale policies and magical thinking.
Source: Trump escalates solidarity with Jan. 6 rioters as his own trials close in
