Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
In the thrilling world of legal slapstick, buckle up because it looks like conservative lawyer John Eastman might just be one bar hop too far from legal paradise. The chap is under the magnifying glass for his potential role in providing shoddy legal advice in efforts to overturn a minor event – oh, just the 2020 presidential election in the United States. You know, the kind of oopsie that might earn you a stern finger wag or, dare I say, disbarment from the California bar.
After digesting this riveting tale from the Washington Post, one thing becomes clear: Keeping your bar license might just require you to not attempt to bulldoze democratic tenets. Who knew? Let’s delve into the buzzing hive of ironies and questionable choices with something I like to call “The Breakdown”; a saga of “not quite legal” moments as salty as your grandpa’s language when he drops a hammer on his foot.
The Breakdown
- The “Genius Defense” Play
- Move over, Atticus Finch, Mr. Eastman has a new definition of attorney excellence. His advice on potentially overturning election results is such a glaring stroke of genius that it could light up Las Vegas. And by “light up,” I mean set it on fire – metaphorically speaking, of course. The fact that this could backfire into disbarment? Now that’s what you call an “educational moment.”
- Move over, Atticus Finch, Mr. Eastman has a new definition of attorney excellence. His advice on potentially overturning election results is such a glaring stroke of genius that it could light up Las Vegas. And by “light up,” I mean set it on fire – metaphorically speaking, of course. The fact that this could backfire into disbarment? Now that’s what you call an “educational moment.”
- The “Fake It Till You Break Democracy” Mantra
- It appears Mr. Eastman took the old adage of “fake it till you make it” to new heights – or, in this case, to the depths of constitutional crisis. His creative legal reasoning is less “case law” and more reminiscent of my first attempts at origami: a lot of folding under pressure.
- It appears Mr. Eastman took the old adage of “fake it till you make it” to new heights – or, in this case, to the depths of constitutional crisis. His creative legal reasoning is less “case law” and more reminiscent of my first attempts at origami: a lot of folding under pressure.
- The “Just a Suggestion” Defense
- The “Evidence, Shmevidence” Approach
- Who needs evidence when you’ve got conviction, right? Eastman floated his theories with the buoyant confidence of a conspiracy theorist at a UFO convention. Forget the mundane shackles of “proof” or “credibility” – unimportant when you have a catchy narrative!
- Who needs evidence when you’ve got conviction, right? Eastman floated his theories with the buoyant confidence of a conspiracy theorist at a UFO convention. Forget the mundane shackles of “proof” or “credibility” – unimportant when you have a catchy narrative!
- The “Will Act for Applause” Strategy
- At some point, Mr. Eastman must have confused the courtroom for an improv stage, tossing around theories like they were witty rejoinders in a sketch show. But when the curtain falls, the applause turns out to come from subpoenas and not fans.
The Counter
- The Devil’s Advocate Needs An Advocate
- Who will rush to the defense of democracy’s adjudicator? Perhaps someone who appreciates the deep irony of a constitutional lawyer arguably forgetting the constitution. Eastman’s brandishing of his law degree apparently didn’t come with a “handle with care” label.
- Who will rush to the defense of democracy’s adjudicator? Perhaps someone who appreciates the deep irony of a constitutional lawyer arguably forgetting the constitution. Eastman’s brandishing of his law degree apparently didn’t come with a “handle with care” label.
- Bar None, the Best Legal Advice
- Ah, the pinnacle of legal strategy: tips that may lead to one’s professional suicide. If you’re shopping for the kind of advice that teeters between innovative and inebriated – Mr. Eastman’s your guy!
- Ah, the pinnacle of legal strategy: tips that may lead to one’s professional suicide. If you’re shopping for the kind of advice that teeters between innovative and inebriated – Mr. Eastman’s your guy!
- You Can’t Make an Omelette Without Committing Some “Election Fraud”
- Everybody knows grand plans require sacrifices, like, say, your entire legal career. If you’re going to hatch a scheme to validate unverified claims, why not go big and aim for legend status? Just be sure it’s a legend law students will study as a cautionary tale.
- Everybody knows grand plans require sacrifices, like, say, your entire legal career. If you’re going to hatch a scheme to validate unverified claims, why not go big and aim for legend status? Just be sure it’s a legend law students will study as a cautionary tale.
- Never Underestimate the Power of a Strong Email Trail
- If you’re going to question the integrity of election results, it’s crucial to leave a robust paper trail. Just imagine the future treasure trove for historians sifting through your dispatches as they detail how not to practice law.
- If you’re going to question the integrity of election results, it’s crucial to leave a robust paper trail. Just imagine the future treasure trove for historians sifting through your dispatches as they detail how not to practice law.
- Democracy Is Just a Board Game, Right?
- It seems the whole “democracy” thing has been overwhelming for Eastman. Treating the delicate dance of the electoral system like it’s a rowdy round of Monopoly is certainly… a take. Why not suggest a “Do-Over” card while he’s at it?
- It seems the whole “democracy” thing has been overwhelming for Eastman. Treating the delicate dance of the electoral system like it’s a rowdy round of Monopoly is certainly… a take. Why not suggest a “Do-Over” card while he’s at it?
The Hot Take
In the spirit of true comedy, let’s bring this circus to a wild and fiery conclusion. If you want to fix what’s broken in American jurisprudence, don’t allow the legal equivalent of a side-show magician to take off his hat, pull out the Constitution, and then tried to saw it in half. Much like a stand-up set gone bad, sometimes all you can do is pull the mic, sweep up the tomatoes, and go back to telling jokes that don’t rock the very foundations of a 200-year-old democracy.
And here’s a hot take for free: maybe let’s make sure the next generation of lawyers know that just because you CAN think of a legal argument, doesn’t necessarily mean you SHOULD. All wrapped up with a moral that even the great comedians of our time could endorse: play dumb games, win dumb prizes. Remember, the truth is always funnier – and in law, the truth is supposed to be the whole point.
Source: Judge recommends conservative lawyer John Eastman be disbarred in California
