Lake’s Leap of Logic: How to Jump Backwards in Time and Land in a Modern-Day Conundrum

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Kari Lake, a magical spell conjured by a GOP witch’s coven, recently waved her political wand to back the party’s plan to drop an antiquated 1864 abortion law in favor of a shiny new 15-week ban. This article from the folks over at the New York Times gets into the meat and potatoes of how the Republican matriarch seeks to rewrite history.

Riding on the coattails of striking progressive attitudes with good old-fashioned conservative values, Lake and pals believe this change channels just the right mix of ‘oldie but a goodie’ to appeal to moderates without alienating their base.

The Breakdown:

• Antique Laws Are in Vogue Again: Who knew that in the year 2024, we’d be dusting off laws that are older than the lightbulb? It’s vintage politics for the nostalgic soul!
  • Details: Just when you thought it was safe to assume that laws from an era where women couldn’t vote would be as dead as the dodo, Arizona’s GOP is getting their poltergeist on to bring them back to life!
    
    
• 15 Weeks: Because Arbitrary Numbers Are Fun: Why 15 weeks? Why not 12 or 20? It’s like throwing darts at a calendar!
  • Details: There’s a seemingly magical belief in numbers, and in this case, 15 seems to be the magic number. It’s like they spun a great big Wheel of Fortune and landed on ‘Congratulations, you’re now too late.’
    
    
• Political Gymnastics with Kari Lake: Watch as she twists and turns more than a Cirque du Soleil acrobat to please both sides.
  • Details: Lake wants to maintain the conservative vote without scaring away the moderate Republicans, hence completing what can only be described as the most politically convoluted backbends in modern history.
    
    
• Justifying the Injustice with a Smile: If you’re going to make a controversial stand, might as well do it with a camera-friendly demeanor!
  • Details: It’s all about image over substance. Forget the underlying issues; if you look good delivering an archaic stance, that’s half the battle won.
    
    
• The Middle Ages Called, They Want Their Policies Back: Medieval times were notable for many things, like the plague. Apparently, restrictive abortion laws are itching to join the nostalgia train.
  • Details: With the audacity of a flat-earther, the adoption of an 1864 law in the 21st century shows a peculiar longing for simpler times, like when leeches were a medical instrument.
    

The Counter:

• Modern Problems Require Antiquated Responses: Naturally, the best way to solve today’s complex social issues is with solutions from when the telegraph was cutting-edge technology.
  • Details: Who needs decades of sociological data and women’s rights advancements when you’ve got pre-industrial wisdom ready at the printing press?
    
    
• Compromise or Cop-Out?: Is this just a masterful compromise or the equivalent of straddling a barbed-wire fence? Only time (and voter opinion polls) will tell.
  • Details: By advocating a 15-week ban over the draconian 1864 alternative, Lake is being praised for her moderation—because moderation here is a relative term.
    
    
• A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Inaction: You could almost hear the GOP humming along to the tune of Elvis as they delightfully dance around the issue without doing much else.
  • Details: While Lake and her fellow politicians talk a good game, it seems that few concrete steps are being taken to address the systemic issues at hand.
    
    
• The Era of Good Feelings: It’s like we’re back in Monroe’s presidency where good feelings abound, and difficult decisions are tabled indefinitely.
  • Details: The warmth of indecision spreads through GOP ranks, calling to mind that post-Napoleonic era of nonspecific contentment, which unsurprisingly led to… more conflicts.
    
    
• Bans Before Plans: Nothing says ‘progress’ like a ban with a side of, “We’ll figure out the details later!”
  • Details: Like a kid promising to do their homework ‘soon,’ the GOP ensures that this ban is only a placeholder for a future master plan, the details of which are about as clear as mud.
    

The Hot Take:

If you want to extinguish the dumpster fire that is outdated and oppressive legislation, it’s time to crank up the sarcasm sprinklers. It seems that when given the chance to blaze a new trail, Arizona’s GOP decided instead to ceremoniously recycle relics that should frankly be kept in a museum. The liberal toolbox to fix this isn’t to fondly remember the days of fax machines and dial-up internet but to instead amplify the voices that are actually attached to uteruses (shocking, I know).

In the grand tradition of doing the bare minimum while patting themselves on the back, the GOP’s attempt at compromise looks more like a half-baked soufflé than a well-crafted policy. So, for those who believe in women’s right to choose, keep preaching, keep marching, and most importantly, keep voting – because unlike this hilarious yet sobering mess, some things never get old.

Source: Kari Lake Backs G.O.P. Effort to Drop 1864 Abortion Law in Favor of 15-Week Ban