Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a display of unparalleled clairvoyance, the Kansas governor looked into the crystal ball of common sense and vetoed a ban on gender-affirming care, much to the chagrin of those who’d rather use their crystal balls to gaze upon a past where the earth was flat and leeches were medical devices.
It turns out, in the mystic land of Kansas, healthcare can also include the radical notion of affirming gender. Don’t worry though, GOP soothsayers are tying their laces for a swift override. Because if there’s anything more pressing than a pandemic or climate change, it’s certainly policing gender-affirming care.
The Breakdown:
- Spatulas of Ignorance: Because flipping gender norms is akin to flipping pancakes, or so the opponents of gender-affirming care seem to believe. Their argument hinges on the culinary logic that if you can’t see it cooking from the start, it’s probably underdone.
Specifics: Those who haven’t even mastered the use of a spatula are trying to dictate how doctors use their scalpels and prescriptions. Go figure!
- Technicolor Dream Coats for Black and White Thinking: Remember Joseph and his amazing technicolor dream coat? Yeah, neither do the ban advocates. They prefer their threads in monochrome and their genders in binary.
Specifics: A wardrobe malfunction in the grand fashion show of politics. This technicolor ban has more holes than a pair of well-loved jeans, and it’s starting to show.
- The Time Machine Called. It Wants Its Policies Back: It seems Kansas GOP found the Delorean and took a joyride to the 1950s. Luckily, the governor didn’t get the invite, or she perhaps understood the parable of not touching the past.
Specifics: Ban proponents must think “Back to the Future” is a policy manual, not a film franchise. Our dear governor, however, decided not to feed the hand that bites.
- The Wicked Witch of the West Was Misunderstood: Turns out she just wanted affordable, accessible, gender-affirming healthcare for her monkey brigade. Who knew? Kansas wasn’t having it.
Specifics: Even the flying monkeys are throwing their hats into the ring, hoping their beloved witch’s veto remains intact. After all, she promised them rainbow wings.
- Policymaking by Darts: When the complexity of gender identity meets the simplicity of policymaking by dartboard, vetoes become revolutionary acts of defiance.
Specifics: The dart-throwing approach to law-making has been baked into quite the humble pie by a governor who might actually use evidence and empathy instead of a blindfold and a wall.
The Counter:
- Unaffirmed Expectations: Some people are just disappointed that gender-affirming care is, well, affirming. They had hoped for a more “deny until you comply” approach.
Sarcasm: Because nothing says ‘I care about you’ quite like denying you basic human rights.
- Reverse Engineering Social Progress: If anyone’s interested in making America grate again – on the nerves, that is – then undoing progress is surely the way to go!
Sarcasm: Forget the future; there are sepia-tinted photos and gender stereotypes from the past to revive!
- Selective Hearing Aids: Listening to the experts in gender and healthcare? That’s too straightforward. We play the telephone game here! Starts with science, ends with scandal.
Sarcasm: Because accurate information is just too mainstream for the policy world.
- Temporal Tourism for Policy Making: If you could travel to any time period to shape your policies, why choose the present? The past is brimming with outdated ideas waiting to be reanimated!
Sarcasm: Ah, the good ol’ days, when ignorance was bliss and science was just a suggestion.
- The Fun Police: Opponents of the veto seem to think gender-affirming care is a giant party they weren’t invited to. Spoiler: it’s not a party, it’s personal autonomy and human dignity.
Sarcasm: How dare people live authentic lives without asking permission first?
The Hot Take:
If this situation were a kitchen, it would be like trying to cook a gourmet meal with people who think salt is spicy. As for solutions, we might start by taking the oversized blender out of the hands of politicians who’ve confused gender identities with smoothie ingredients.
The liberal recipe? Heaps of empathy, a dash of science, and the radical idea that personal healthcare choices should be, oh I don’t know, personal? Serve it with a side of respect for human rights, and you’ve got yourself a dish even the conservatives might find palatable—after they stop gagging on their foot-in-mouth disease.
Source: Kansas governor vetoes a ban on gender-affirming care; GOP vows override
