Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Florida, the state affectionately known as America’s hot and humid playground, where gators and hurricanes strut their stuff more often than sanity, has delivered yet another gem that challenges the very fabric of reason. Governor DeSantis, in a move as subtle as a clown at a funeral, has signed a bill that seems to be an avid fan of filtering the content of school libraries because, apparently, knowledge is a little too free and books are just too darn expressive.
The Breakdown
- “Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Books!”
Ah, nothing says “freedom” like limiting the horizon of young minds, right? Florida seems to think that the only thing scarier than a hurricane is a child with access to diverse perspectives. - “Mickey Mouse Goes Moral Police”
Is it just me or is Florida’s next step to get Disney characters to guard the library entrances? Watch out – Mickey isn’t just after your money now, he’s after your metaphors too. - “1984: Now A How-To Guide”
It turns out that George Orwell was not just a writer but a prophet, and Florida’s just trying to keep the tradition alive. I suppose reality really can be stranger than fiction. - “Quoth the Raven, ‘No More Lore’”
By removing access to certain books, it’s almost poetic how a state can so elegantly craft a future where kids quote reality TV stars instead of Edgar Allan Poe. - “Lord of the Flies: School Library Edition”
Who needs to worry about kids being stranded on an island to learn about society’s flaws when the state government is willing to create a similar environment right in the school library?
The Counter
- “Shelving the First Amendment”
Who needs the First Amendment in the library, anyway? It’s not like freedom of speech and the press was a cornerstone of democracy or anything. Nah, that’s just crazy talk. - “Faren-higher Education 451”
Turn up the heat, because books might combust from all the hot takes Florida’s politicians are throwing at them. Can’t let those pages spread anything other than approved propaganda—I mean, information. - “Curiosity Killed the Cat, Not the Kid”
Remember, if a child’s curiosity isn’t stifled by the time they’re 10, the state isn’t doing its job properly. Exploratory learning? More like exploratory leaning… towards approved state scripts. - “The Grapes of Wrath: Special Edition”
Featuring an additional chapter where the Joads find themselves in modern Florida facing the harrowing quest to find a library book not covered in warning labels. - “The Scarlet Letter: Congratulations, It’s an A for ‘Absurdity'”
Could there be a new mandatory school uniform featuring a giant, red “A” for “Approved by the State”? I hear it’s this season’s most authoritative look.
The Hot Take
In a blaze of not-so-glory, Florida has stepped onto the stage, a cape of censorship billowing heroically as it sets forth to save the youth from dangerous things like critical thinking and empathy. Why foster a generation equipped to handle complex social and historical contexts when you could just, I don’t know, pretend they don’t exist?
And what’s the magical, liberal solution to this conundrum, you ask? Simple. Encourage reading. Embrace the kaleidoscope of perspectives that literature offers. Let’s put those tax dollars to work, not in enacting Orwellian library policies, but in crafting young minds sharp enough to think for themselves. Because the only thing more powerful than a hilarious joke is an informed electorate that can’t be fooled by a sleight of hand—or legislation.
Source: DeSantis signs bill limiting book objections in school libraries
