Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a world where the line between a political summit and what might as well be the setup to a political bar joke is increasingly blurred (“So Erdogan, a Hamas official, and Abbas walk into a bar…”), we once again find ourselves face to face with a story that nearly writes the punchlines itself.
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and an unnamed Hamas official have engaged in a tête-à-tête ostensibly about the future of Gaza. Meanwhile, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas has taken the opportunity to critique the United States’ veto prowess with the subtlety of a sledgehammer at a crystal glass convention.
The Breakdown
- Did Someone Say Mediation, or is That Turkish Delight Stuck in My Throat?
Let’s start with Erdogan’s idea of mediating. Maybe he’s opting for a less conventional approach, like solving Middle East tensions with a traditional game of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’ Logic dictates that this should be as effective as any other strategy thus far, right? - The ‘Hamas Handshake’ – A New Dance Craze or Diplomatic Gesture?
Erdogan’s shaking hands with a Hamas official. This is the political equivalent of doing the hokey pokey at a UN Security Council meeting, and it’s almost as functional. What’s next? A conga line with international diplomats? - Abbas Slams the US… with Words
Abbas isn’t pleased with the US, and he’s let us know the only way an angry politician knows how – with a slam. It’s just so refreshing to hear a political leader express disapproval. It’s almost as rare as a truthful campaign promise. - The US Veto: America’s Favorite Party Trick
Whenever the world thinks the US might play nicely with others, it pulls out the veto — the diplomatic equivalent of a buzzer handshake. It’s a trusty fallback when words get too complicated, which is always. - Gather ‘Round the Round Table, Minus the Knights and Chivalry
High-level discussions about Gaza resemble King Arthur’s round table if it were in a corporate boardroom and all the knights were more interested in mergers and acquisitions than quests and dragons.
The Counter
- Let’s Not Judge a Book by Its UN Resolutions
Perhaps, we’re being too harsh. After all, we can’t expect every international political meeting to end in world peace; otherwise, what would we do with all our nukes? - Political Hugs: Maybe They’re All Just Misunderstood
Here’s a wild idea — maybe that Hamas handshake was a misunderstood expression of universal love. Or, more likely, it was just a very politically motivated grip contest. - The Vetoes are Just Misguided Love Letters
When the US vetoes, it’s not being obstinate; it’s playing hard to get! International diplomacy is just one large game of “he loves me, he loves me not.” - The Art of Reinventing the Diplomatic Wheel
Erdogan is innovative, isn’t he? Like inventing a new kind of wheel, except it’s square, and everyone’s too polite to tell him it won’t roll. - Misplaced Priorities: Who Needs Healthcare When You Have International Debates?
All this money spent on global politics and we can’t even fix the potholes on the way to the airport. Priorities, people!
The Hot Take
Alright, folks, time to pour a fresh cup of sarcastic brew for “The Hot Take.” If we want to solve all the problems laid out in front of us like a buffet no one wants to eat at, we need a plan. Firstly, let’s teach world leaders the profound impact of group therapy — or at least how to share like kindergarteners.
Next, we should replace vetoes with a more nuanced approach, like rock-paper-scissors or perhaps interpretive dance. It’s time we added some fresh steps to the old foreign policy dance — something with flair that’ll get the UN Security Council on TikTok. Lastly, we can always try the age-old liberal fix-all: a strongly-worded letter followed by a hashtag trending for exactly 2.5 days.
Source: Erdogan, Hamas Official Meet on Gaza While Abbas Slams US Veto
