Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Source: https://slate.com/podcasts/slate-money/2024/02/economy-stimulus-bills-exports-immigration-us-biden-tiktok-covid-lyft?via=rss
The Details
In the latest concoction of economic news, we have a smorgasbord that could only make sense in the fantastical world of American policy-making. The great machinery led by none other than the USA’s very own Uncle Joe—Biden, not that imaginary uncle who shows up at Thanksgiving with off-beat investment tips—has been churning out stimulus bills, tweaking exports, and debating immigration like they’re competing in a policy Olympics with no actual medals.
The Breakdown
- Stimulus Bills: Because Who Needs A Budget?
Let’s start with the stimulus bills. Remember when you were a kid and thought a dollar could make you king of the candy store? That’s Congress, except the candy store is the whole economy and the sugar high is rampant inflation. - Exports: Sell It All, Including the Kitchen Sink
What do you do when you’ve got more goods than a hoarder’s garage sale? You sell ’em abroad, baby! Exports are soaring, while we ignore the teeny, tiny, not-at-all-alarming fact that our imports are dragging behind like a toddler who skipped nap time. - Immigration: The Infinite Juggle
Then there’s immigration. The U.S. flips policies like burgers at a BBQ while the rest of the world watches, wondering when they’ll get to take a bite. It’s the ultimate will-they, won’t-they, except it’s less about romance and more about whether the economy will ghost us with a labor shortage. - TikTok: The Chinese Puzzle Wrapped in an Algorithm
If you haven’t heard your teen mumble about TikTok, you’re not living in the 21st century. The app’s got more moves than a congressional filibuster. It’s the reason your kid can dance but can’t do taxes. And let’s not forget the hullabaloo about banning it because, clearly, video snippets are where the real geopolitical power lies. - Covid and Lyft: The Unlikely Economic Indicators
Ah, Covid. The gift that keeps on giving. If you’ve ever wanted to judge the health of the economy by how many times you’ve elbowed someone out of the way for a Lyft or an Uber, now’s your chance. Because nothing says “robust economy” like surging ride-share prices during a pandemic.
The Counter
- Stimulus Who? Let the Free Market Reign
Why burden ourselves with stimulus bills? The invisible hand of the market will tuck us in at night. Sure, the hand might be attached to a moody octopus with a penchant for chaos, but who are we to judge? - Exports Are Overrated Anyway
Please, who needs exports? What’s a trade surplus in a world where we could have just printed more money? If the treasury were a mint, we’d all be frolicking in a gum-filled wonderland. - Immigration: Because Who Wants Full Employment?
Labor shortages? Pfft. Our homegrown folks are surely just waiting for the opportunity to roll up their sleeves and get to work! Forget practical skill sets; we’ve got good old-fashioned, bootstraps-yanking enthusiasm! - TikTok: America’s Favorite Babysitter
Who needs national security when you’ve got lip-sync battles? TikTok is clearly the new frontier of global dominance. Maybe instead of cybersecurity, we should be investing in dance instructors. - Covid vs. Ride-Sharing: The Ultimate Showdown
Let Covid and Lyft fight to the death! If the prices go up, it’s survival of the richest, and isn’t that the most American thing you’ve ever heard?
The Hot Take
If your morning coffee hasn’t quite kicked in, here’s some real talk: our economic policy sometimes feels like it’s being run by a dazed troupe of circus monkeys. But fear not! Because if there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s laughing in the face of fiscal responsibility while tweeting about it.
Here’s a liberal hot take on solving our woes: let’s start treating the economy like we do the environment—acknowledge it’s broken, throw some science at it, maybe a few regulations, and implement robust social programs that look out for more than just the top hat-wearing Monopoly man. And if all else fails, remember—sarcasm and satire will sustain us until the next election cycle.
