Kennedy Proclaims Trump as Threat Level Midnight – Michael Scott Quakes!

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

In the swirling vortex of American political drama, it should come as no surprise that a beloved Kennedy family member stepped onto the stage with a megaphone aimed squarely at former President Donald Trump.

In a dizzying feat of verbal gymnastics, this Kennedy declared Trump to be not just a threat but an ‘existential’ one. Now, I know what you’re thinking: existential? Last time that term was thrown around, college students were sipping cheap coffee discussing Sartre. But let’s unpack this like we’re evicting a hoarder from a studio apartment.

The Breakdown

1. Existential Dread – Now Featuring Politics!
   • Remember when ‘existential’ just meant you were pondering the meaningless void of life between episodes of ‘The Office?’ Well, now it’s being applied to Trump. I guess the idea of him back in office might indeed prompt a mass dive into Nietzsche.
     
     
2. The New Red Scare: Orange Edition
   • Let’s admit it, the original Red Scare had better villains. But according to our Kennedy crusader, Trump’s tan is the new red. The only thing missing is a catchy slogan. How about “Better Dead than Orange-Red”?
     
     
3. Trump Steals Headlines Like It’s 2016
   • Can someone tell me why this guy still makes the news like Friends reruns on a nostalgia trip? If we’re picking old presidents to worry about, I could think of a few more entertaining ones. How about Fillmore? Anyone up for Boisterous Millard Mondays?
     
     
4. “Existential Threat” or Ex-Reality Star?
   • You have to appreciate the irony — a reality star turned president is an existential threat. Alright, buddy, time to switch off Survivor: White House Edition and maybe focus on, oh I don’t know, climate change?
     
     
5. A Kennedy’s Call To Arms (Or Words)
   • A Kennedy taking on a Trump is like a bizarre reboot of a political West Side Story, except nobody’s singing or dancing, and we’re all just tired.
     

The Counter

1. Oh Please, Can We Elect Another Billionaire Instead?
   • Because if history’s taught us anything, it’s that money screams “relatable leader,” right? I’ve got a flip phone older than this routine.
     
     
2. One Family’s Drama to Rule Them All
   • When the Kennedys speak up, we all listen — like a Thanksgiving dinner where Uncle Joe decides to air family secrets. Pass the gravy.
     
     
3. Trump & the Great American Philosophy Debate
   • Nothing says “Let’s get existential” quite like a political slap fight. Tell me, will this be on the final exam? I better start cramming now.
     
     
4. Trump Train: Choo-Choo or Cuckoo?
   • Seriously, this train has more comebacks than Cher’s farewell tours. If politics is a circus, when’s the next trapeze act?
     
     
5. “Make America Think Again” – Too Sarcastic?
   • The campaign slogan we need but won’t get. Why ponder profound existential thoughts when we can have Twitter wars instead?
     

The Hot Take

Now let’s simmer down to the scalding take that could burn popcorn from across the kitchen. If we’re going to extinguish this purported ‘existential threat’ like we’re the ultimate liberal firefighters, we need something better than the same old water cannons. Here’s a hot idea: how about we try a different approach — talk less about the Trumpocalypse and more about actual solutions, like education reform that teaches critical thinking over standardized test-taking?

Or maybe we could try actual climate action instead of just talking a big green game. Also, while we’re at it, let’s not forget about healthcare, because laughing at political satire shouldn’t double as a pain management technique. Let’s fix what’s broken instead of breaking into a fresh pile of panic every time someone says “Trump.” After all, shouldn’t the bar for existential threats be higher than a Twitter feud and a spray tan?

Source: Kennedy Family Member Declares Donald Trump An ‘Existential Threat’ To The U.S.