Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In an event so predictable that you’d think it was scripted by a ceremonial robot, Kate Middleton has recently been commended with a “Special” new honor that aligns her with historical figures like Winston Churchill.
In a world where titles are as freely passed around as the common cold in winter, this ornamental accolade serves to firmly secure the Duchess of Cambridge’s place in the echo chamber of historical repetition. But let’s really dive into what this all means in a segment I like to call “The Breakdown”.
The Breakdown
- Royal Recycling
Just when you thought the monarchy had run out of medals, ribbons, and purely ornamental titles, they dig deep into the attic and dust off another for Kate Middleton. This “Special” new honor is about as exclusive as the air we breathe, given only to those who have truly mastered the art of public waving and polite smiling at dreary state functions. - Historical Parallels That Are Anything But Parallel
Drawing a line between Kate Middleton and Winston Churchill is like comparing apples to a historical battleship. Sure, both have made their mark on British history, but let’s not pretend that attending galas and christening ships is on par with leading a country through war. - The Art of Distraction
What better way to divert attention from real issues than a shiny new medal? With this new honor, the Palace continues its age-old tradition of using sparkling distractions to eclipse pressing national concerns. Next week: knighting a corgi to promote animal rights. - Echoes of the Past Echoing Echoes
If history has taught us anything, it’s that it loves to repeat itself, especially when it feels like no one’s paying attention. This honor is like that hit song from the 90s they keep replaying at every party, hoping it’ll still get the same applause. - The Pedestal of the Pedigreed
Yet another title for someone born into a role that already comes with a lifetime supply of titles. This new accolade is as necessary as a screen door on a submarine, beautifully useless and watertight in its absurdity.
The Counter
- Is It Really “Special”?
If everyone who’s done their job gets a medal, I’m going to start expecting a trophy every time I manage to screw the lid back on the toothpaste. - A Matter of Perspective
From one angle, it’s an honor. From another, it’s a participation trophy for royals. It depends on whether you’re wearing a crown or just watching one on TV. - The Unbearable Lightness of Being Honored
If being light on achievements were an Olympic sport, this ceremony would be its opening act. Because nothing screams accomplishment quite like another photo op for the mantle. - They’re Just Like Us!
But with more tiaras and less understanding of public transit. Really though, if you or I had as many accolades for doing our day-to-day jobs, we’d need a separate house just to store all the ceremonial sashes. - Oh, the Places You’ll Go… and Stand and Wave
Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the rigorous training it takes to stand there and accept an honor for standing there. It’s an arduous cycle of stand, wave, and repeat.
The Hot Take
In wrapping up this regal charade, it’s clear that if the goal is to fix the monarchy’s PR machine, then perhaps redirecting that energy towards modernization and transparency could be a start. Rather than manufacturing honors to uphold an antiquated status quo, maybe we introduce “The Real Royals of Buckingham Palace”.
Let’s engage the citizenry in meaningful ways instead of resorting to the same old ceremonial pomp that’s as stale as last week’s scones. If we’re going to cling to relics from the past, can we at least pick the ones that prove useful, like common sense and humility?
While history may enjoy its relentless games of repetition, our approach to royal honors doesn’t have to play by the same worn-out rules. So let’s toss this latest “special” honor into the pile with all the other trinkets and try to remember what truly deserves our attention and applause.
Source: Kate Middleton Joins the Likes of Winston Churchill With ‘Special’ New Honor
