Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
If you thought that the matrix of American politics couldn’t get any more topsy-turvy, hold your horses. At a GOP retreat that was probably meant to strategize over whatever complex issues they think need tackling – like how to make a tax cut sound like a moral epiphany – Senator Johnson took a detour. A sharp, steep detour right into the realm of the holy. What’s that? No, not holy fiscal policy, but a “holy-er than thou” sermon on the mount type of deal, according to the spectators graciously sharing this event with the rest of us who had the good fortune to miss it. It seems the only thing missing was a choir of angels to back him up – or maybe they were just stuck in traffic.
The Breakdown
- The Good Book as a Political Playbook: Apparently, it’s now in vogue to turn policy discussions into Sunday school lessons. Johnson must’ve used the old “What would Jesus filibuster?” approach to legislative strategy.
- We can almost envision the commandments of governance coming etched on stone tablets rather than drafted in committee, though with all the partisan deadlock, a little divine intervention couldn’t hurt.
- Preaching to the Choir or to the Cynical?: Senator Johnson switched from lawmaker to preacher so smoothly you’d think the rotunda was built with a hidden pulpit.
- Perhaps his audience’s “Amens” got misinterpreted as “Aye” votes, or their snores as divine reverie?
- Divinity Degree or Political Science?: One could be forgiven for thinking they had accidentally walked into an MA in Theology lecture instead of a political retreat.
- Now, Johnson’s policy positions come with the added weight of spiritual conviction, because why have separation of church and state when you can have both in a neat, confusing package?
- Sanctifying the Stall Tactics: By turning political discourse into sacred sermons, we have officially sanctified the filibuster and other stall tactics. Blessed be the fruit of congressional inaction.
- Let us now bow our heads and pray for speedy legislation…or perhaps just for lunch break.
- The Messiah Complex: There was this not-so-subtle subtext that Johnson had been touched by an angel, and I’m not talking about that CBS drama from the ’90s.
- He seemingly vied for the role of the political messiah, which is a bit much, but hey, shoot for the heavens and you’ll land among the earmarks, right?
The Counter
- Praise the Pork (Barrel Spending): Those who found fault clearly just weren’t enlightened to the wisdom of cloaking pork barrel spending in the vestments of virtue.
- If every line-item in the budget came with a chapter and verse, maybe we’d reach across the aisle more often…for a collection plate.
- Disciples of Democracy: The true disciples, sorry, political constituents, must appreciate a leader who can quote both policy and scripture with the same fervor.
- Mix in a parable with your platform, and who knows? You might just turn the water of wishy-washy politics into the fine wine of decisive action.
- Forgive Them Their Votes: A leader leads, a preacher preaches, and voters…well, they forgive, right? That’s what midterm elections are for.
- It’s easier to forgive when there’s a promise of political salvation. Hallelujah and hooray for term limits.
- Sermon on the Debt: Deliver us from evil, or at least from budget deficits.
- Imagine the possibilities if every fiscal cliff negotiation was treated more like an apocalyptic prophecy – the adrenaline rush alone could power the Capitol for days.
- Rendering Unto Caesar: When the IRS comes knocking, just remember the spiritual enlightenment that this novel form of political discourse brings you.
- Next time, perhaps they’ll accept donations in the form of positive thoughts and prayers in lieu of actual tax revenues.
The Hot Take
In a revelation that will undoubtedly shock the devout attendees of political theater, it turns out what the world really needs is less sermonizing and more strategizing. To fix the problem, we should probably start by reminding our elected officials that their job descriptions include legislating – not leading the flock to the promised land. How, you ask? Well, for starters, how about a new commandment: Thou shalt not confuse Capitol Hill for Calvary.
It’s all fun and games until someone forgets where the line between church and state is supposed to be. Maybe it’s time we elect politicians who can formulate policies without needing to reference their pocket Bibles. Let’s focus on drafting laws that address societal needs rather than interpreting celestial signs. The solution seems almost…biblical in its simplicity: Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and unto God what is God’s, and maybe leave the preaching for Sunday mornings.
Source: ‘I’m not at church’: Johnson turns GOP retreat presentation into ‘horrible’ sermon
