Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
In the grand circus of what some call ‘democracy,’ it seems we have a new clown act in town. It’s got all the trimmings of a bizarre magic trick where millions of taxpayer dollars poof into thin air, only to reappear in the silk-lined pockets of military proponents. Senator Bernie Sanders, the man who perpetually looks like he’s just read the nation’s credit card bill, has recently stomped his feet on the Senate floor, decrying the astronomical costs of missiles. Yep, that’s right, folks. The bargain price today? A mere $400,000 per missile. While this sum might seem a tad steep to you and me, it’s just pocket change in the grand scheme of Uncle Sam’s war-fueled shopping bender.
The Breakdown
- Missiles: Buy One, Get Your Economy Gutted for Free
- Here’s a fun fact: The $400,000 we’re splurging on each missile could pay for a small house, a lifetime supply of avocado toast for millennials, or even better—healthcare for those who apparently don’t need it because ‘Murica.
- War Profiteering: A Noble American Pastime
- While little kids set up lemonade stands hoping for some extra summer cash, defense contractors are playing the same game—with slightly bigger stakes and a lemon sour enough to warp your face. These savvy business giants ensure your tax dollars fund their fourth vacation home. Citizenship has its privileges, doesn’t it?
- ‘Defense’ Budget: Or How to Name Your Greed
- It seems the word ‘defense’ must have a different definition in Washington, D.C. Perhaps it’s synonymous with ‘let’s buy some more boom-booms because we’ve got a stockpile addiction.’
- The Taxpayer: America’s Lesser-Known Philanthropist
- Congrats, citizens! You didn’t realize it, but your altruism has been shining bright as the North Star. You’re generous donors to the ‘Fund a Contractor’s New Yacht’ foundation—no thank-you letter necessary.
- Sanders’ Tizzy Fit: Angry Grandpa Shakes Fist at Cloud
- Our favorite curmudgeon, Senator Sanders, apparently had the gall to suggest spending on things like education or healthcare. How quaint! Yet, there he stands, shaking his fist at the monsoon of military spending, drowning out common sense.
The Counter
- Economy Schmeconomy: Who Needs a Future?
- Why worry about trivial matters, like the stability of our economy or the welfare of our citizens, when you could have a warehouse stuffed with explosives? Nothing says ‘forward thinking’ like a big bang for your buck—literally.
- National Security: Sponsored by the Highest Bidder
- If you think feeling secure in your homeland isn’t directly proportional to how many pricey projectiles you have… well, you’re probably right. But let’s just sweep that under the rug, because ‘bombs = safety,’ or so the jingle goes.
- Education, Schmeducation: The Military-Industrial Complex is the Real MVP
- Why invest in the education of our nation’s youth when we can spend that money on things that go boom? Besides, who needs critical thinking when you’ve got critical mass?
- Healthcare: An Explosively Bad Investment
- Imagine investing in the health and longevity of your population. Ridiculous, right? It’s much more profitable to invest in things that have the potential to end lives, not save them. Irony is dead, and it died in a very expensive explosion.
- Democracy: A Spectator Sport Fueled by Gunpowder and Cash
- In this thrilling arena, watch as your elected officials go head-to-head in a fierce competition to see who can spend the most public funds on private interests. Grab your popcorn—it’s showtime!
The Hot Take
In the grand tradition of laugh-until-you-cry comedy, the joke that is current military spending is a knee-slapper. But hang onto your seats, because the punchline involves a solution that’s so crazy it just might work. First off, let’s take our defense budget, pad it up, because good lord, it’s looking so skinny compared to our international friends. Just kidding! We cut that binge-eating budget down to a reasonable size, focusing on actual threats rather than hypothetical scuffles with intergalactic invaders.
Next, we teach our friends in the military-industrial comedy club that weapons are kind of like fireworks—they’re impressive, loud, and you don’t need them to go off every other Thursday. Instead, let’s funnel that budget into something that doesn’t explode—like our education system, healthcare, or perhaps a revolutionary concept where we stop throwing dollars into the wind and hoping for an airstrike on our socioeconomic issues.
So, there you have it, a liberal hot take fresh off the griddle, still smoking with the burning passion for common sense and a dash of fiscal responsibility. Light on your feet and lighter on your wallet—because who knew that peace could actually be the more affordable option?
Source: $400,000 Per Missile? Sanders Rips War Profiteers ‘Fleecing’ US Taxpayers
