Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
So, buck up campers and get ready to face a truth bomb wrapped in a snarky package. Recycle Mania! A catchy term that got us all rinsing our yogurt cups with religious fervor. But alas, all is not what it seemed. Our beloved ‘Reduce, Reuse and Recycle’ mantra turns out to be the plastic industry’s longest-standing magic trick.
And you thought David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear was impressive? Turns out the plastic moguls have been “disappearing” their responsibility for decades, pushing their recycling fairy tale while knowing full well that buried beneath it was a landfill of lies. The Jedi mind trick of “You can recycle that” was, in fact, as recyclable as a pizza box smeared in last night’s fun.
The Breakdown
- “Recycling Works!” and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself.
The plastics industry had everyone believing that every plastic cup born into this world had a golden ticket to reincarnation. With only 9% of plastic actually being reborn, the other 91% apparently missed the memo. - The Infinite Cycles of The Plastic Pyramid Scheme.
Every bottle you chucked into the blue bin was a part of the industry’s ponzi scheme, where the profits were real but the environmental benefits were as sketchy as a “Free Money” email from a Nigerian prince. - Eco-Friendly or Eco-Fibbing?
All those green slogans might as well have been green screens for all the reality they reflected. ‘Saving the planet one plastic bottle at a time’ had the truthsomeness of a toddler’s explanation about how the crayon ended up on the dog. - Heavy PETting and other petrochemical flirts.
PET, the most “lovable” of plastics, had us at ‘hello, I’m recyclable.’ Except, the process of recycling PET is like that one night stand you’d rather not discuss – complicated, a wee bit dirty, and never as good the second time around. - Our Carbon Footprint is now a Bootprint.
With every step we thought we were lightening our carbon load, turns out we were stepping into a deeper pile of… well, you know. Turns out the only thing we were reducing was our own guilt.
The Counter
- “But plastic can be recycled, right?”
Oh sure, and I’m the Queen of England. We’ve recycled the notion of recycling more effectively than the plastics themselves. - “What about my weekly trip to the recycling center; that’s got to count for something?”
Yes, and every time you do, a plastic bag gets its wings. Or just ends up flapping in a tree somewhere pretending to be a sad, gray ghost. - “Industry says they’re committed to the environment.”
And I’m committed to becoming the next James Bond. We have similar odds of success. - “Isn’t it better to try recycling than not doing anything at all?”
That’s the spirit! And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you made entirely from recycled bubble wrap. - “It’s all about individual responsibility, right?”
Absolutely, because it’s totally my fault for purchasing products wrapped by the plastics industry’s equivalent of a mummy. Next, they’ll tell us to just stop breathing to cut down on CO2 emissions.
The Hot Take
Well, folks, it looks like it’s time for a little ‘spring cleaning’ in the grand ole house of plastics. How about we take a cue from the industry and just recycle their nonsense back at them? We might start labeling our plastic bins ‘wish-cycling’—because it’s cute how we think a genie is going to pop out and turn that takeout container into a park bench.
What if we actually demanded more than just a triangular set of arrows on our packaging? What if—stick with me now—we reduced instead of pretended? We could call it ‘The Fantastic Plastic Diet: Lose 500 pounds of waste in just one year!’ The idea is, you leave the supermarket with less plastic than an LA Botox clinic.
Given our long-standing relationship with plastic, a messy breakup is on the horizon. But like any bad relationship, ghosting is not an option. We need to take out every piece of micro-bead-laden exfoliant and make “single-use” the most hideous and swipe-left term in our lexicon. And let your little plastic straw go swim with the fishes—because, oh wait, they already are.
Source: The plastic industry knowingly pushed recycling myth for decades, new report finds
