Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
If joy could be found in the misfortune of others, the halls of Harvard Law School must have been a veritable carnival. It seems like Senator Ted Cruz has left quite the impression on his classmates, and it’s not exactly the one you’d put on a resume, unless you’re applying to be the poster child for schadenfreude. When one of his fellow alums had the chance to throw some shade his way, they grabbed it with both hands and a spotlight. The ‘clapback’ was as subtle as a sledgehammer, and it hit with about the same force.
The Breakdown
- On Popularity Contests and Ted Cruz
- Clearly, Ted was as popular in law school as a root canal at a candy convention. While some might say that being hated by everyone is an accomplishment, it unfortunately doesn’t earn you a fancy Latin honor at graduation.
- Clearly, Ted was as popular in law school as a root canal at a candy convention. While some might say that being hated by everyone is an accomplishment, it unfortunately doesn’t earn you a fancy Latin honor at graduation.
- Familiar Foes in Scholarly Robes
- It’s not every day a classmate comes out of the woodwork to scorch the earth beneath a U.S. Senator’s feet, but when they do, it’s worth getting out the marshmallows and making s’mores over the burning embers of their tattered collegiate camaraderie.
- It’s not every day a classmate comes out of the woodwork to scorch the earth beneath a U.S. Senator’s feet, but when they do, it’s worth getting out the marshmallows and making s’mores over the burning embers of their tattered collegiate camaraderie.
- The Case of Missing Self-Awareness
- If self-awareness were a course at Harvard, it seems Senator Cruz might have skipped those classes to work on his special blend of charm – the kind that could turn allies into adversaries faster than you can say filibuster.
- If self-awareness were a course at Harvard, it seems Senator Cruz might have skipped those classes to work on his special blend of charm – the kind that could turn allies into adversaries faster than you can say filibuster.
- The Scale of Unpopularity
- On a scale of one to the Grinch, it appears Cruz was competing for valedictorian for the latter. The fact that this isn’t a breaking news story suggests this wasn’t a secret guarded more closely than a KFC recipe.
- On a scale of one to the Grinch, it appears Cruz was competing for valedictorian for the latter. The fact that this isn’t a breaking news story suggests this wasn’t a secret guarded more closely than a KFC recipe.
- Resurrecting the Past to Explain the Present
- Nothing like a good ol’ ghost of law school past to remind the public why certain politicians have such a way with people. It’s like digging up a time capsule, except instead of nostalgic trinkets, it’s full of reason after reason validating present-day eye rolls.
- Nothing like a good ol’ ghost of law school past to remind the public why certain politicians have such a way with people. It’s like digging up a time capsule, except instead of nostalgic trinkets, it’s full of reason after reason validating present-day eye rolls.
The Counter
- Who Needs Friends When You Have Ambition?
- Ted Cruz may not have had many friends in law school, but who needs friends when you’ve got unbridled ambition and an eye on the prize? Friends don’t get you Supreme Court clerkships or senatorial seats. They just borrow your notes and never return them.
- Ted Cruz may not have had many friends in law school, but who needs friends when you’ve got unbridled ambition and an eye on the prize? Friends don’t get you Supreme Court clerkships or senatorial seats. They just borrow your notes and never return them.
- The Value of a Villain
- Every story needs a good villain, and who better to fit that bill than someone whose very name evokes impassioned speeches and thirteen-hour filibusters? Hollywood couldn’t cast it any better.
- Every story needs a good villain, and who better to fit that bill than someone whose very name evokes impassioned speeches and thirteen-hour filibusters? Hollywood couldn’t cast it any better.
- Disdain as a Measure of Success
- When your law school classmates are still talking about you years later – even if in less than flattering terms – that’s not obscurity, folks. That’s a special kind of fame. The silver lining? Being memorable, for whatever reason, is half the battle.
- When your law school classmates are still talking about you years later – even if in less than flattering terms – that’s not obscurity, folks. That’s a special kind of fame. The silver lining? Being memorable, for whatever reason, is half the battle.
- Polarizing Figures Unite Others
- In a twisted way, Ted brought people together in law school – against him. But, hey, unification needs to start somewhere, even if it’s at the point of mutual eye-rolling in Harvard’s hallowed halls.
- In a twisted way, Ted brought people together in law school – against him. But, hey, unification needs to start somewhere, even if it’s at the point of mutual eye-rolling in Harvard’s hallowed halls.
- Ted’s Law School Lessons
The Hot Take
I’ve always said you can cure the disease, but you can’t cure stupid. However, in the spirit of humorous but heartfelt advice on how to fix the grand dilemma of politicians who’ve turned being disliked into a form of artistry, let’s try a little liberalism:
- Empathy Training Camp
- Let’s ship all likenesses of Ted Cruz to a weeklong retreat where they learn the power of empathy. Imagine a politician who can relate to their constituents. Mind. Blown.
- Let’s ship all likenesses of Ted Cruz to a weeklong retreat where they learn the power of empathy. Imagine a politician who can relate to their constituents. Mind. Blown.
- Ego Checkpoints
- Install checkpoints at every government building where egos must be checked in like oversized luggage before entering. This way, politicians can navigate the halls of power without knocking everyone over with their inflated sense of self.
- Install checkpoints at every government building where egos must be checked in like oversized luggage before entering. This way, politicians can navigate the halls of power without knocking everyone over with their inflated sense of self.
- ‘Meet Your Match’ Town Halls
- Implement mandatory town halls where Cruz-alikes are paired with their most vocal critics. Not Twitter battles, but real conversations. They can either find common ground or agree to a mutual dislike. Either way, it’s transparency at its best.
- Implement mandatory town halls where Cruz-alikes are paired with their most vocal critics. Not Twitter battles, but real conversations. They can either find common ground or agree to a mutual dislike. Either way, it’s transparency at its best.
The bottom line is, if making friends and influencing people were easy, everyone would do it and then where would we find our political villains? They’re essential to the narrative. Because let’s face it, without them, what would comedians like me do for material?
Source: ‘Everyone hated you’: Ted Cruz gets clapback from lawmaker who went to law school with him
