Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Source: Trump urges Supreme Court to keep his name on ballot, warns of ‘bedlam’
The Details
Oh, joyous day in the land of the free where the spectacle of politics never fails to entertain or terrify, depending on the channel you’re tuned into. Our former President, Donald J. Trump, in a move that surprises absolutely no one who’s been paying attention for the past few years, urges the Supreme Court to staple his name onto the ballot like a toddler with a label maker. He’s like a magician who keeps trying to pull rabbits out of the hat, except the hat’s been through the wash and everybody can see there are no rabbits, only a desperate grasp for relevance in the great state of Colorado.
The Breakdown
- Bullet Point 1: Trump’s Got a New Favorite Toy, and It’s Called Supreme Court
- Surprise, surprise, Trump has discovered that the Supreme Court isn’t just for landmark judgments and historical decisions; it’s also great for personal errands, such as trying to keep his name front and center without the pesky interference of democratic processes.
- Bullet Point 2: Colorado, The New Battleground for Trump’s Ego
- By turning Colorado into his own personal battleground of legitimacy, he’s also turning it into a stage for his own political drama. Because nothing screams stability like using a state as your own legal playpen.
- Bullet Point 3: Ballot or bust! Who Needs Rules Anyway?
- The rules are for mere mortals, not for the man of the gold-plated tower! Why bother with procedure when you can just throw a judicial Hail Mary and hope for the best?
- Bullet Point 4: Democracy? More Like ‘This is MY-ocracy’
- Here’s the thing about democracy – it’s supposed to be of the people, by the people, for the people. But somewhere along the way, Trump got confused and thought it was of Trump, by Trump, for Trump. Easy mistake.
- Bullet Point 5: The Gall of a Cautionary Tale
- If bedtime stories were updated for the political scene, Trump would be the boogeyman warning children to follow the rules, or the big bad wolf huffing, puffing, and blowing down the houses of any ballot that dares to not have his name on it.
The Counter
- Counter Point 1: Constitutional Fun & Games
- Because who needs the Constitution when you’ve got a big enough megaphone and Twitter at your fingertips? It’s like that friend who brings a Monopoly ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card to court.
- Counter Point 2: Changing The Playbook Mid-Game
- Can’t win by the rules? No Problem! Just argue that the rules are more ‘guidelines’ and watch everyone’s head spin as you flip the game board of democracy.
- Counter Point 3: A ‘Modest’ Request
- Asking the Supreme Court to intervene is just modest, like buying a solid gold toilet; it’s totally practical and not at all ostentatious.
- Counter Point 4: Because Laws Are Just Suggestions
- Who needs laws when you’re used to the court of public opinion? The Supreme Court is just another crowd to perform for, isn’t it?
- Counter Point 5: The Ultimate Reality Show Twist
- In an epic plot twist, the ballot becomes the ultimate rose ceremony. Will Trump get to stay for another episode, or will the Supreme Court hand out a thorny rejection?
The Hot Take
Now, hold onto your wigs and keys, as we propose a liberal solution to the entire Trump ballot tragicomedy. How about, and this is just wild thought here, we uphold the laws and regulations surrounding electoral processes? I know, it’s a radical idea — actually following the rules already set in place to govern fair elections. Maybe, just maybe, democracy can function as intended, not as a fan club for those who shout the loudest. And if the former commander in tweet doesn’t make the cut? Well, there’s always reality TV. Maybe something catchy, like “Vote or Veto.”
