Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The art of the legal hustle – if there is such a thing – must have a chapter dedicated to the one, the only, former President Donald J. Trump. The latest scoop from OccupyDemocrats reads like a playbook torn straight from Trump’s personal archives, highlighting a saga that’s so complex, it makes your head spin like the exorcist – but less supernatural and more super-litigative.
This isn’t just a case of a rich guy flexing his legal team. Oh no, it’s an illustration of strategic lawsuit acrobatics that would have even the most experienced Cirque du Soleil performers taking out their notepads.
The Breakdown
- Bully Pulpit Goes to Court
- Ever wonder what happens when the metaphorical bully pulpit gets a literal bar license? Trump appears to show us just that – filing lawsuits like they’re going out of style. It’s like he’s collecting them; perhaps there’s a lawsuit album out there we don’t know about?
- Ever wonder what happens when the metaphorical bully pulpit gets a literal bar license? Trump appears to show us just that – filing lawsuits like they’re going out of style. It’s like he’s collecting them; perhaps there’s a lawsuit album out there we don’t know about?
- The Art of Distraction
- If Trump were a magician, his lawsuits would be the shimmery handkerchief that keeps your attention while the country’s pants are being pulled down. These filings aren’t just for winning; they’re about creating a spectacle grander than any Vegas show and successfully diverting your gaze.
- If Trump were a magician, his lawsuits would be the shimmery handkerchief that keeps your attention while the country’s pants are being pulled down. These filings aren’t just for winning; they’re about creating a spectacle grander than any Vegas show and successfully diverting your gaze.
- Lawyering Up Like It’s a Sport
- In what seems to be his favorite pastime, Trump recruits attorneys like they’re fantasy football players. The game? Who can rack up the most billable hours before the judges say “enough” and send everyone to the locker room.
- In what seems to be his favorite pastime, Trump recruits attorneys like they’re fantasy football players. The game? Who can rack up the most billable hours before the judges say “enough” and send everyone to the locker room.
- Appeal to the Base: Legal Edition
- Each lawsuit comes with a free bonus: a rally cry to the base. It’s almost as if they’re collector’s items meant to be shared and marveled at during family barbecues, complete with hot dogs, apple pie, and a side of frivolous litigation!
- Each lawsuit comes with a free bonus: a rally cry to the base. It’s almost as if they’re collector’s items meant to be shared and marveled at during family barbecues, complete with hot dogs, apple pie, and a side of frivolous litigation!
- The Endless Sequel Syndrome
- Just when you think it’s over – surprise! – another lawsuit appears. They’re like those movie franchises that should have ended at trilogy but just keep on coming because, why not? There’s always a plot twist in the form of an appeal that nobody asked for.
- Just when you think it’s over – surprise! – another lawsuit appears. They’re like those movie franchises that should have ended at trilogy but just keep on coming because, why not? There’s always a plot twist in the form of an appeal that nobody asked for.
The Counter
- Trump: The Legal Philanthropist
- Think of all the billable hours Trump is generously giving to the legal community. It’s not abuse; it’s charity for lawyers who’ve got yacht payments to make.
- Think of all the billable hours Trump is generously giving to the legal community. It’s not abuse; it’s charity for lawyers who’ve got yacht payments to make.
- Distraction as a Public Service
- Given the tumultuous state of the world, maybe we should be thanking him for the relentless distractions? Economic crises are less harrowing when you’re reading about the latest courtroom drama.
- Given the tumultuous state of the world, maybe we should be thanking him for the relentless distractions? Economic crises are less harrowing when you’re reading about the latest courtroom drama.
- The More, The Merrier
- The U.S. loves to champion diversity, so why not in court? Trump is just embracing America’s melting pot by inviting all types of lawsuits to join the party.
- The U.S. loves to champion diversity, so why not in court? Trump is just embracing America’s melting pot by inviting all types of lawsuits to join the party.
- Stimulus Check for the Soul
- Every lawsuit doubles as a morale booster for his base. Think of it as a litigious stimulus check for the soul – something to root for as one cheers from the sideline of the courtroom.
- Every lawsuit doubles as a morale booster for his base. Think of it as a litigious stimulus check for the soul – something to root for as one cheers from the sideline of the courtroom.
- The Franchise Forging Ahead
- Who doesn’t love a good sequel? Or a 10th installment? It’s about delivering what the people want – more lawsuits, more drama, more… justice?
- Who doesn’t love a good sequel? Or a 10th installment? It’s about delivering what the people want – more lawsuits, more drama, more… justice?
The Hot Take
Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for the liberal approach to extinguish this dumpster fire of legal shenanigans! First, let’s streamline courtroom access just like we should streamline voter access, ’cause who doesn’t love irony? Maybe introduce a legal cap, kind of like those pollution caps—call it “lawsuit emissions trading.” Attorneys can buy and sell lawsuit credits!
Second, we could have televised proceedings with pay-per-view for big-ticket court battles. The proceeds? They go toward, let’s say, education or healthcare. That way, every ludicrous legal battle pulls double duty as a fundraiser for the good of the people!
Lastly, we ought to have a reverse class-action suit where, after the umpteenth lawsuit, the entire country gets to sue for emotional damages caused by incessant eye-rolling. With the settlement, we could probably single-handedly wipe out student debt.
Source: NEW FILING: How Trump ABUSES the legal system to his advantage
