Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
As the Middle East peace treadmill continues to offer frequent fliers miles for efforts that invariably lead nowhere, news has broken that Yair Lapid, the Israeli opposition leader, is set to jet off to Washington for talks that are bound to solve absolutely every problem in the region, with as much certainty as a weather forecast predicting a sunny day in the middle of a hurricane.
In a stunning act of airline diplomacy, it seems Lapid is hoping the mere act of transatlantic travel will harness the power to align political stars. Spoiler alert: don’t hold your breath unless you have gills.
The Breakdown
- Mile-High Diplomacy:
Lapid’s taking to the skies means business – the kind that happens in cushy first-class cabins, not back in the economy, where real people with real problems sit. After all, when you’re miles up in the air, those pesky issues on the ground look so small, don’t they? - Winging It on Policy:
The article hints at a robust strategy of hope, discussions, and probably a hearty meal or two. Because if there’s anything that can create lasting geopolitical change, it’s a good sandwich in the Capitol’s cafeteria. Real policies? Those are for people who don’t get airline points! - Frequent Flier Fantasies:
Apparently, the goal is to earn enough diplomatic mileage for an upgrade – from opposition leader to ‘Guy Who Made Peace Happen’. Lapid’s hoping his frequent trips will finally pay off, though the track record of such endeavors is akin to redeeming miles for a unicorn ride. - Layover in Reality Check City:
Somewhere between takeoff in Tel-Aviv and landing in D.C., there’s a layover in a place called Reality. It’s a short stop, barely noticeable, where a little voice says, “Hey, you’ve done this before, and what has changed?” But don’t worry, that’s just turbulence. - The In-Flight Entertainment – Encores Expected:
We’re treated to the same old movie: earnest political figure takes on the Middle Eastern maelstrom, garners applause, curtain falls, and… wait for the sequel. It’s like the ‘Fast and Furious’ franchise, but at least those cars make progress.
The Counter
- Turbulence is Just God’s Way of Saying ‘Pay Attention’:
Perhaps this is the flight where Lapid hits an epiphany somewhere over the Atlantic, a brand new idea that nobody has ever thought of, like actually listening or perhaps even compromise. And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. - Can Peanuts Solve Peace? Probably Not, But They’re Tasty Distractions:
Maybe the key to Mid-East peace talks isn’t negotiators or diplomats, but better snacks. If history has taught us anything, it’s that hunger leads to angry outbursts, and who can argue on a full, peanut-satisfied stomach? - Duty-Free Diplomacy Deals!
Duty-free shops show us everything is cheaper without taxes, just like promises are easier without details. Impeccable logic suggests possibly everything, including peace talks, should be conducted near a display of discounted liquor and giant Toblerones. - Existential Descent:
The only thing descending faster than the plane’s landing gear is the hope of any real change. But like any good descent, it’s thrilling, full of potential, until the sudden, inevitable stop at the end cracks your head against reality. - Pre-Boarding for Optimists and Pessimists – All Aboard:
Whether you sport rose-colored glasses or a permanent furrowed brow, all are welcome in the aerial dance of diplomacy. And guess what? The in-flight magazine has a Sudoku that, much like Middle East politics, never quite gets solved.
The Hot Take
In a world where the word ‘conversation’ is thrown around like lettuce in a salad spinner, Lapid’s transatlantic shuffle could be spiced up with a bit of hot sauce and perhaps something so old, it’s new: actions. I propose a new approach: for every mile flown for peace talks, a mile of progress must be made on the ground. Call it the “Actual Mileage Program.”
It’s innovative, it’s bold, and it’s never going to happen, but a comedian can dream, can’t he? At the end of the day, if laughter is the best medicine, maybe we could start prescribing a dose for the diplomatic malaise. It won’t cure the situation, but we might feel better laughing at the absurdity of the geopolitical treadmill while it continues its ceaseless spin.
Source: Israeli opposition leader Yair Lapid to fly to Washington for talks
