Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In what can only be described as a masterclass on political hara-kiri, Wisconsin’s GOP Senate candidate, Eric Hovde, has become the maestro of mixed messages—or, if you’re feeling less charitable, a political gaffe machine set to disaster mode. In a recent maelstrom of miscommunication, Hovde vehemently denies that he ever suggested the elderly shouldn’t cast ballots. His denials come as a gentle breeze off the campaign trail, the soothing songs of a siren luring you into the rocks of befuddled reasoning. Welcome to the circus, folks!
The Breakdown
- The Geriatric Voting Conspiracy Theory
Remember the time when Uncle Bob, buzzed on his fourth whiskey sour, declared at Thanksgiving that seniors voting is the downfall of society? Well, Hovde must’ve been taking notes. Allegedly, he never explicitly said out loud that the elderly should abstain from voting. But I imagine him winking at campaign donors, non-verbally conveying, “You know what I mean, right?” - Dementia or Strategy?
There’s a thin line between grandpa forgetting where he parked his car and a Senate candidate dodging his own policy proposals. During an age when “I was misquoted” is the new “The dog ate my homework,” Hovde insists his words were twisted faster than a balloon animal at a child’s birthday party. - Selective Amnesia Hits Campaign Trail
Politicians forgetting what they’ve said is nothing new. It’s like a selective amnesia that conveniently kicks in the moment their words cause more discomfort than a porcupine in a balloon factory. Hovde’s stabs at walking back his words seem less like clarifications and more like moonwalking in quicksand. - “You Can’t Handle the Truth!”
Jack Nicholson barked this line in “A Few Good Men,” and it seems to be the Hovde campaign’s unofficial motto. They might think that hiding their true intentions behind a smokescreen of platitudes will shield them from backlash. But let’s face it, trying to hide your policies from voters is like trying to smuggle sunrise past a rooster. - Voter Suppression Olympics
If we held a competition for the most creative way to alienate a key voting demographic, Hovde might just stand atop the podium, biting into a gold medal that tastes suspiciously of foot-in-mouth.
The Counter
- Votin’ Schmotin’
Sure, Edna from the Bingo Club might not remember what she had for breakfast, but she sure as heck remembers how to mark an X in a voting booth! Denying the elderly their vote is akin to claiming that bingo’s overrated—it’s simply un-American. - The ‘Memento’ Defense Strategy
Maybe Hovde forgot about his anti-elderly voting stance like Guy Pearce forgot his life in “Memento.” Each morning he tattoos “I love all voters” on his forearm just to get through the day without contradicting himself. - The Invisibility Cloak Theory
Potentially, Hovde believes the elderly are like Harry Potter with an invisibility cloak—they’re there, but you just can’t see them vote. So logically, if they’re invisible, they must not be able to vote either… right? - Tell-Me-Lies, Tell-Me-Sweet-Little-Lies
Who needs Fleetwood Mac when you have the Hovde campaign soundtrack? Perhaps his staff consists of brilliant spin doctors, the kind who could sell a comb to a bald eagle. Or maybe they’re simply terrible at telling the truth, a rarity as mythical as a unicorn with a smartphone. - Forgetting to Pander 101
They say to win in politics, you gotta shake hands and kiss babies. Looks like Hovde read that as kick sand and diss grannies. It’s Politics, not rocket science—alienating a key voting bloc is a no-no.
The Hot Take
Wind bags of the world, unite! If Hovde takes the trophy for anything, it’s his demonstration that listening is a skill best practiced before speaking. The solution here is so simple that it’s comic in its clarity—just level with us, granddad.
Remember that wack idea of representing the interests of all constituents? Let’s bring that back. Let’s reinvent the notion that maybe, just maybe, the older generation has a nugget or two of wisdom worth listening to. The elderly voting is not a problem that needs fixing, but perhaps politicians who forget who they serve, that’s another story.
Source: ‘Twisting my words’: GOP Senate candidate denies saying elderly people shouldn’t vote
