Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In an era that feels like a reality show gone wild, the pièce de résistance, Donald Trump, has been hailed by some as the political equivalent of a Swiss Army knife for America. A recent Salon article sheds light on the “20 reasons why Donald Trump has been good for America.” As your resident liberal comic with a penchant for cynicism, I’ll endeavor to dissect these so-called reasons with the delicacy of a sledgehammer at a china shop. Fasten your seatbelts, folks, as we take a deep dive into the blissful absurdity that’s been decorated as national triumph.
The Breakdown
- America’s Got Talent: Politics Edition
- Who knew the oval office had room for a reality TV crossover? Sure, politics isn’t just a talent show but, hey, if it were, Trump’s uncanny ability to turn a press conference into a three-ring circus would surely score a 10 from the judges for originality.
- Who knew the oval office had room for a reality TV crossover? Sure, politics isn’t just a talent show but, hey, if it were, Trump’s uncanny ability to turn a press conference into a three-ring circus would surely score a 10 from the judges for originality.
- The Renaissance of Satire
- The comedy industry hit a bonanza so bountiful that every comedian owes Trump a fruit basket. You see, when the lines between politics and parody blur, every late-night monologue writes itself, and SNL skits become less satire and more documentary.
- The comedy industry hit a bonanza so bountiful that every comedian owes Trump a fruit basket. You see, when the lines between politics and parody blur, every late-night monologue writes itself, and SNL skits become less satire and more documentary.
- The Great Twitter Firehose
- Ah, the tweets of yesteryear – never has presidential communication been so…character limited. History books will never forget the storm of 280-characters that reshaped policy, diplomacy, and the very foundations of brunch conversations across the nation.
- Ah, the tweets of yesteryear – never has presidential communication been so…character limited. History books will never forget the storm of 280-characters that reshaped policy, diplomacy, and the very foundations of brunch conversations across the nation.
- Stock Market Rollercoaster Ride
- Who needs Six Flags when you’ve got the Dow Jones to keep you clutching the safety bar of your 401(k)? With each tweet, a new adventure: soaring heights, plummeting depths, and loopy-loops of economic anxiety.
- Who needs Six Flags when you’ve got the Dow Jones to keep you clutching the safety bar of your 401(k)? With each tweet, a new adventure: soaring heights, plummeting depths, and loopy-loops of economic anxiety.
- The Unifying Force of Opposition
- Through the mystical art of division, a most extraordinary unity was formed among the opposition. Protesters mingled, communities banded, and the estranged relatives found common ground in their Thanksgiving political rants.
- Through the mystical art of division, a most extraordinary unity was formed among the opposition. Protesters mingled, communities banded, and the estranged relatives found common ground in their Thanksgiving political rants.
The Counter
- Diplomacy, Schmiplomacy
- Traditional alliances are such a bore. Let’s mix it up with a bit of unpredictability, spice up those NATO meetings, and throw a few warm embraces to dictators – because who doesn’t enjoy a geopolitical reality show cliffhanger?
- Traditional alliances are such a bore. Let’s mix it up with a bit of unpredictability, spice up those NATO meetings, and throw a few warm embraces to dictators – because who doesn’t enjoy a geopolitical reality show cliffhanger?
- Environment? I Prefer ‘Environ-Mint’
- Fresh, minty air, just like after a climate accord pull-out. Why worry about rising sea levels when you can just build higher luxury waterfront properties? Adaptation at its finest, and potentially profitable!
- Fresh, minty air, just like after a climate accord pull-out. Why worry about rising sea levels when you can just build higher luxury waterfront properties? Adaptation at its finest, and potentially profitable!
- Healthcare Schmealthcare
- With the strategic takedowns of healthcare provisions, we’ve all embraced a newfound passion for wellness. Who knew the threat of losing health insurance would propel such interest in kale smoothies and essential oils?
- With the strategic takedowns of healthcare provisions, we’ve all embraced a newfound passion for wellness. Who knew the threat of losing health insurance would propel such interest in kale smoothies and essential oils?
- Education Revolution
- Grammar? Spelling? They’re overrated anyway. In the age of tweet diplomacy, who needs to know where to put a comma or how to spell ‘hamburger’ correctly? It’s the message that counts, not the delivery.
- Grammar? Spelling? They’re overrated anyway. In the age of tweet diplomacy, who needs to know where to put a comma or how to spell ‘hamburger’ correctly? It’s the message that counts, not the delivery.
- The Art of the Deal… or No Deal
- Trade deals come and go, but the tariffs? Well, those stick around like glitter after a craft project. Sure, the resulting market responses were as erratic as a cat on a hot tin roof, but who doesn’t enjoy a good economic surprise?
- Trade deals come and go, but the tariffs? Well, those stick around like glitter after a craft project. Sure, the resulting market responses were as erratic as a cat on a hot tin roof, but who doesn’t enjoy a good economic surprise?
The Hot Take
In a world where every day seems to serve up a fresh slice of “you can’t make this stuff up,” the answer is clear: we don’t need to fix America, America is already great… at providing material for comedians. In all seriousness, if we’re looking to sprinkle some sanity on this five-alarm fire of absurdity, we may want to consider a government not led by the alumni of “The Apprentice.”
Instead, how about a good ol’ fashioned focus on policies that make sense, leaders who can spell, and a renewed commitment to being, you know, actual statesmen. It’s so crazy; it just might work.
Source: 20 reasons why Donald Trump has been good for America: No, seriously
