Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Whenever folks say that politics is starting to settle into something remotely resembling sanity, along comes a story out of Alabama that makes you wonder if ‘common sense’ is on the endangered species list in said state.
The latest hullabaloo detailed in “On to Alabama” doesn’t disappoint — it’s a rollercoaster of ‘did they really just…’ moments that has every liberal’s eye twitching. So, let’s unpack this disaster with the finesse of a comedian who forgot to take his chill pills.
The Breakdown
- They Did What Now?
You’d think someone slapped a ‘Kick Me’ sign on the back of progress. Alabama’s latest legislative shenanigans take the cake, pie, and the bakery. Just when you think strides are being made elsewhere, Alabama pulls a ‘hold my beer’ and dives headlong into the shallow end of the policy pool. - Science? Never Heard of Her
The state takes a stand against all these pesky ‘facts’ and ‘data’ that scientists keep harping on about. Darwin might as well be a character from a rejected children’s book as far as Alabama’s concerned, with educational policies that make flat-earthers seem enlightened. - Rights? Only If We Say So
The article outlines a concern that would give the Statue of Liberty pause — if Lady Liberty could pause, that is. Alabama’s treating rights like they’re optional subscription services. You can almost hear the state say, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to control!” - Economic Policy by Mad Libs
If you ever wanted to see economic policy dictated by a dartboard, look no further. The state’s financial strategies are like those horror movies that are unintentionally hilarious — it’s so bad, you can’t look away, and you definitely can’t help but laugh. - Equality, Shmequality
Hopefully, you’re sitting down for this revelation: Alabama appears to struggle with the concept of ‘equality’. It’s like they use a magical 8-ball to decide who gets rights and who gets the cold shoulder, and spoiler alert, it’s not looking great for fairness.
The Counter
- Maybe It’s Reverse Psychology?
Is Alabama’s endgame actually a genius-level exercise in reverse psychology to make the rest of the country look better? If so, that’s some 4D chess that’s going over all our heads. - An Investment in Satire
For the satirists and comedians, Alabama is the golden goose of content. This place is like a factory churning out material so ludicrous, it writes itself. - A Test in Patience
Think of Alabama’s approach as a cosmic test: it builds character and patience to deal with such levels of absurdity. Like a Zen master using frustrating paradoxes, Alabama’s policies force us to find inner peace amidst outer chaos. - DIY Governance
Perhaps Alabama is pioneering a new form of self-help government: by making choices so outrageously backwards, they’re encouraging citizens to DIY their own progressive change. - Living History Museum
There’s an argument to be made that Alabama’s trying to preserve old-timey values in a living history exhibit — like Colonial Williamsburg but with more voter suppression and less butter churning.
The Hot Take
In a bold display of commitment to comedic relief, Alabama hands us a ‘how-not-to’ guide on governance as showcased in the article. While the headline acts make you double over in laughter or cringe, they also provide a stark reminder that some things are so absurd, they almost stop being funny… almost.
As for fixes, well, clearly the electoral etch-a-sketch needs a good shake. The kind that leaves the entire drawing board blank so we can start fresh. Education grounded firmly in, you know, reality would be a nice touch – starting perhaps with the novel idea that science isn’t just an optional suggestion.
We need to foster a politics where rights are not the political equivalent of a Monopoly ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card, handed out at the whim of whoever’s in charge. It might also be fun if economic policies weren’t decided by a bingo ball machine.
There’s a sliver of hope that arises from the ashes of sensibility; Alabama’s antics offer the rest of us a mirror not to look in. So, let’s get to cracking on developing societies built on equality, common sense, and the sort of progress that doesn’t make comedians simultaneously cry and rub their hands in glee.
Take it from me, venting through sarcasm is more than just therapeutic — it’s patriarchy crumbling.
Source: On to Alabama
