Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Alright, so here we are. Another day, another absolutely baffling nugget of idiocy to unravel. The University of Arizona Police decided to really step up their game by employing what they delicately call chemical munitions during protests. Yes, you heard that right. Chemical weapons. On a college campus. Makes you wonder, are they policing a protest or laying siege to a compound?
Let’s dig a little deeper into this festering pit of nonsense, shall we? The grounds for such drastic measures? Well, there were protests. I would tell you it was about students skipping the line in Starbucks, but no, it was a tad more significant. It encompassed issues like international conflicts and human rights—tiny, unimportant stuff, obviously, which in the administrative minds might only be quelled by the subtle aroma of tear gas in the morning.
This brings us to the mystical world of “proportional response,” a concept apparently as elusive as a sober conversation at a frat party. You’ve got kids armed with posters, maybe a megaphone or two, and the response? Gear up, boys, we’re going in! It seems Arizona University’s finest had a surplus and thought, heck, why let all that tear gas expire when we can create our very own ‘Breaking Bad’ campus edition?
Now, the official word from the top brass is that these ‘chemical munitions’ were necessary to maintain safety. Yes, because nothing says safety like blinding tears, coughing fits, and panic. Peaceful assembly? Well, you can do that, but only if you can see through chemically induced tears.
But let’s take a step back. Maybe we are being too harsh. Perhaps the police were just trying to prepare these students for real-world scenarios. You never know when you might need the experience of escaping through a tear gas-laden quad! It’s just like a fire drill but with more crying and less order.
And speaking of education, let’s talk about the learning outcomes here. Lesson one: Introduction to Chemical Warfare. Lesson two: Advanced Ducking and Covering. Truly, this is the kind of hands-on learning you just don’t get from a textbook. Who needs chemistry labs when you have live demonstrations?
This whole episode makes you question what goes through the crisis management team’s heads. Are they sitting in a dark room, spinning a giant wheel of responses? “Alright, let’s see where it lands—ah, tear gas! Excellent choice for a Wednesday!”
In all seriousness, the deployment of any form of chemical munitions against students is as laughable as it is tragic. It’s a stark representation of how the lines between peacekeeping and warfare are being blurred right on our campuses. It’s no longer about ensuring safety; it’s about enforcing control, about showing power.
To the admins and police over at the University of Arizona, here’s a little tip – next time you’re faced with a protest, maybe start with dialogue. Or better yet, take that crazy budget you’ve got for tear gas and invest in something revolutionary like, I don’t know, education?
This saga is a classic example of how far we still have to go in handling dissent and dialogue, especially in educational institutions that are supposedly the bastions of free speech and thought.
So, as you head back to class, maybe pack an extra set of goggles and a gas mask. Because who knows when the need for a little extra ‘safety’ might arise.
Source: University of Arizona Police Deploy ‘Chemical Munitions’ Amid Protests
