Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
In a dazzling feat of originality that’ll have historians weeping into their dusty tomes, Biden and Trump have lobbed a real curveball at the American electorate. The age-old question of “Are you better off than you were four years ago?” is echoing through the halls of political punditry like a broken record that just can’t find its groove.
Apparently, the complexity of life during a pandemic, an economic rollercoaster, and a sprinkling of global instability can be neatly boiled down to a yes-or-no checkbox. So, let’s unpack this suitcase of rhetorical brilliance and then quickly repack it because, well, we’ve definitely overstayed our vacation here.
The Breakdown
- Economic Jenga is Our Favorite Game, Right?
Economic stability has the robustness of a Jenga tower in an earthquake. One minute you’re invested in a sturdy block tower of prosperity, the next you’re fishing your 401(k) out from the rubble. - They Wear Masks, But Not the Kind Heroes Wear
Politicians mask the complexities of pandemics with the sheer force of their simplifications. Yes, let’s reduce global health crises and their socioeconomic shockwaves to a simple thumbs up or thumbs down. - Inflation is Just a Fancy Word for Diet
Your dollar is now stretching further than ever before – if by stretching you mean attempting to cover the same shopping cart with fewer items. Grocery shopping is now an exercise in applied economics and, apparently, our new national weight loss program. - The Employment Seesaw
Everyone is hiring, yet nobody is working. It’s as if all the jobs in America decided to throw a massive party, but the workers got the wrong address. - Four-Year Nostalgia Trips Sponsored by Your Local Politician
Sure, let’s rely on people’s rose-tinted glasses, or bleak-tinted, to make a snap judgment on complex societal shifts. Was 2020 a year you’d like pressed in your scrapbook, or bound in a heavy tome and launched into the sun?
The Counter
- Jenga Champions’ Economic Masterclass
Because if anyone can navigate us through financial instability with the finesse of a Jenga grandmaster, it’s politicians who’ve never stacked a block in their lives. - Mask-Off: Pandemic Edition
Let’s all appreciate the simplicity and the black-and-white lens through which pandemics should really be viewed. After all, who needs nuance during global crisis management? - Embracing Inflation Like an Old Friend
Hug your skyrocketing rent like it’s a long-lost friend. They might have grown a little since you last met, but that’s just more to love, right? - The Job Party Phenomenon
Just RSVP ‘yes’ to every job invite, then ghost them all. Who needs employment when your hobby is collecting ‘Help Wanted’ signs? - Make Scrapbooking Great Again
Can we turn four years ago into a catchy scrapbook slogan? Something that really pops with glitter and the vague scent of regret?
The Hot Take
In a scorching potshot that’ll resonate with anyone whose eyes haven’t rolled clean out of their skull, the solution here is simple. Throw every ounce of subtlety into the trash and approach the myriad issues afoot with the grace and nuance of a sledgehammer.
We’ll introduce mandatory “You’re Better Off!” affirmations every morning, subsidize the rose-colored lenses, and, for balance, fund the sun-bound tome-rocket program. It’s a foolproof, liberal lovefest. After all, if we can’t fix it with a chuckle, a jab, and a generous helping of mockery, is it even America anymore?
Source: Biden and Trump ask voters if they’re ‘better off’ than they were 4 years ago. It’s complicated
