Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Let’s dive headfirst into the swamp of contradiction, shall we? Oil and gas executives — the darlings of the fossil fuel waltz — are expressing discontent over President Biden’s policies. Yet, with the delicious irony that could only be served up in a two-party system, they’re also not keening for the return of you-know-who. It’s like watching toddlers at a birthday party disapprove of the clown their parents hired because he’s making balloon animals instead of drilling for oil in the backyard.
The Breakdown
- Big Oil’s Big Blues: These suits are as unhappy as a vegan at a barbecue, folks. They’re lamenting Biden’s lack of enthusiasm for the traditional drill-and-spill shindig, presumably because they miss the good old days of rolling in deregulation and tax cuts like pigs in the mud.
- Specifics: The new cafe standards are for electric cars — a concept as foreign to them as eating a salad. The complaint choir sings about stifled growth, but what they mean is their wallets aren’t getting any fatter, and that’s a cardinal sin.
- Specifics: The new cafe standards are for electric cars — a concept as foreign to them as eating a salad. The complaint choir sings about stifled growth, but what they mean is their wallets aren’t getting any fatter, and that’s a cardinal sin.
- Green Policies or Green-eyed Monsters?: Sure, execs are green alright — with envy that is. Biden’s ambitious climate goals are like telling a kid that Christmas is canceled and we’re celebrating Arbor Day instead.
- Specifics: They’re tearing up over lost profits and having to deal with pesky things like renewable energy. To them, solar panels and wind turbines are as unsettling as a haunted house — it’s all fun and games until you actually have to live there.
- Specifics: They’re tearing up over lost profits and having to deal with pesky things like renewable energy. To them, solar panels and wind turbines are as unsettling as a haunted house — it’s all fun and games until you actually have to live there.
- A Reluctant Breakup with Trump: It’s like when you realize your ex was crazy after all. They miss the deregulatory bear hugs and the sweet-nothings whispered to their bottom lines, but even they’re not ready for another round of erratic Tweetstorm politics.
- Specifics: There’s a dawning realization that instability might just be bad for business. Who would’ve thought that constant chaos could make the stock market nervous?
- Specifics: There’s a dawning realization that instability might just be bad for business. Who would’ve thought that constant chaos could make the stock market nervous?
- The Nostalgia for ‘Drill, Baby, Drill’: They yearn for the good ol’ days of unfettered drilling — when environmental concerns were as ignored as the salad bar at a steakhouse.
- Specifics: They ache for the days when the EPA was just a suggestion, not an enforcer. The days when they could spill oil with less backlash than spilling a glass of milk.
- Specifics: They ache for the days when the EPA was just a suggestion, not an enforcer. The days when they could spill oil with less backlash than spilling a glass of milk.
- Alternative Energy: The Other Woman: Transition to green energy? That’s like asking them to switch from whiskey to water. It’s healthier in the long run, but boy does it burn going down.
The Counter
- The Martyrdom of Millionaires: Oh, woe to the oil barons! They’ve been cast aside, like a coal miner in a Silicon Valley conference room. Truly, a tragedy Shakespeare couldn’t pen.
- Specifics: They’re having to consider — gasp — adapting to a changing marketplace. It’s as if evolution didn’t get the memo that they are the top of the food chain.
- Specifics: They’re having to consider — gasp — adapting to a changing marketplace. It’s as if evolution didn’t get the memo that they are the top of the food chain.
- Who Needs Clean Air, Anyway?: If there’s anything we’ve learned, it’s that breathable air is overrated. Just ask any executive — if they’re so concerned, why aren’t their yachts solar-powered?
- Specifics: These fellas would rather choke on the sweet fumes of dollar bills than the clean, pedestrian air of a wind farm.
- Specifics: These fellas would rather choke on the sweet fumes of dollar bills than the clean, pedestrian air of a wind farm.
- The Tyranny of Tweeting: Remember how much we enjoyed a president who conducted foreign policy in 280 characters or less? Sure, it was fun — like a rollercoaster with missing screws.
- Specifics: The execs may crave the wild west of deregulation, but even they know you don’t poke the bear that tweets in ALL CAPS.
- Specifics: The execs may crave the wild west of deregulation, but even they know you don’t poke the bear that tweets in ALL CAPS.
- Drill Nostalgia is Drill’s Hysteria: These guys are like the band on the Titanic — playing the old hits while the ship’s going down because the new music just doesn’t have the same soul.
- Specifics: They grumble about renewable energy while their beachfront properties are threatened by the rising tides they helped create.
- Specifics: They grumble about renewable energy while their beachfront properties are threatened by the rising tides they helped create.
- Renewable Energy is the Weird Cousin: It doesn’t fit in at family gatherings, and no one knows how to talk to it about sports.
- Specifics: They’d rather pretend it doesn’t exist than acknowledge it might just be the valedictorian of the energy family.
- Specifics: They’d rather pretend it doesn’t exist than acknowledge it might just be the valedictorian of the energy family.
The Hot Take
In closing, let’s button up with a hot take straight from the liberal griddle — if these tycoons miss their buddy Trump so much, why don’t they just build a golf course together and leave the running of the country to adults? I propose we send these fossil fuel enthusiasts on a one-way trip to a wind farm.
There, they can learn to harness the power of the hot air they’ve been blowing at us for years. Renewable energy might just be the new frontier, and trust me folks, the only thing that should be drilled at this point… is the concept of sustainable living into their heads.
Source: Oil and gas execs are unhappy with Biden — but not eager for Trump’s return
