Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a world where the pendulum of social justice swings like a hypnotist’s pocket watch, we’ve landed on another gem of a tale that’s as deliciously controversial as it is a carnival of the misguided. We reach into the hat of society’s latest tricks and pull out — lo and behold — a scholarship, named in memory of George Floyd, designed exclusively for Black students, stirring up a federal civil rights complaint as quickly as a misguided tweet goes viral. One might need a magnifying glass to find the fine line between addressing historic inequities and triggering a new bout of ‘I can’t believe they did that’ gasps.
The Breakdown
- “Money Talks, But It Speaks in Tongues Apparently”
- Remember that time when someone thought, “Hey, let’s solve racial inequality by potentially sparking more controversy?” That’s what we’re dealing with here. A scholarship aimed to help one race, exclusively, which has inadvertently invited Uncle Sam’s scrutiny faster than a preacher at a tax audit.
- Remember that time when someone thought, “Hey, let’s solve racial inequality by potentially sparking more controversy?” That’s what we’re dealing with here. A scholarship aimed to help one race, exclusively, which has inadvertently invited Uncle Sam’s scrutiny faster than a preacher at a tax audit.
- “Exclusivity Is the New Inclusion, Except When It’s Not”
- In the spirit of inclusion, a scholarship for Black students seemed like a no-brainer, until, of course, it brain-farted itself into a federal case. Exclusivity, it seems, has a place in society just about as secure as a snowflake in a sauna.
- In the spirit of inclusion, a scholarship for Black students seemed like a no-brainer, until, of course, it brain-farted itself into a federal case. Exclusivity, it seems, has a place in society just about as secure as a snowflake in a sauna.
- “The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions and Government Paperwork”
- With the noble intention to bridge disparities, the scholarship speeds along the highway to bureaucratic purgatory. Each form, a brick, each comma, a stroke of the shovel digging deeper into the pit of ‘who thought this was a good idea?’
- With the noble intention to bridge disparities, the scholarship speeds along the highway to bureaucratic purgatory. Each form, a brick, each comma, a stroke of the shovel digging deeper into the pit of ‘who thought this was a good idea?’
- “Equality for All, But Check the Terms and Conditions”
- Equality is a simple concept, like rocket science or explaining Bitcoin to your grandmother. It means everyone gets a fair chance unless, of course, there are footnotes involved. Check the asterisks before signing, won’t you?
- Equality is a simple concept, like rocket science or explaining Bitcoin to your grandmother. It means everyone gets a fair chance unless, of course, there are footnotes involved. Check the asterisks before signing, won’t you?
- “Social Justice Roulette: Place Your Bets”
- Gambling with social equity has the stability of Jell-O in an earthquake. Where will the ball land? On red, black, or that elusive green zero no one fully understands, kind of like the legal arguments bound to arise from this whole escapade.
- Gambling with social equity has the stability of Jell-O in an earthquake. Where will the ball land? On red, black, or that elusive green zero no one fully understands, kind of like the legal arguments bound to arise from this whole escapade.
The Counter
- “A Knee on the Neck of Logic”
- We kneeled to acknowledge police brutality, and now we’re metaphorically kneeling on the neck of reason. Is it too much to ask for scholarship criteria that don’t need a legal disclaimer?
- We kneeled to acknowledge police brutality, and now we’re metaphorically kneeling on the neck of reason. Is it too much to ask for scholarship criteria that don’t need a legal disclaimer?
- “Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do”
- Because obviously, the best way to turn around systemic issues is to circle them like a vulture over roadkill and pray for a miracle. As every carpenter says, measure once, cut thrice!
- Because obviously, the best way to turn around systemic issues is to circle them like a vulture over roadkill and pray for a miracle. As every carpenter says, measure once, cut thrice!
- “Desegregation Was Just a Phase, Mom”
- Yes, having spaces for Black empowerment is crucial, but could it be that we’re accidentally crafting the blueprint for modern segregation? It’s the civil rights version of a punk rock phase — rebellious, loud, and controversial as hell.
- Yes, having spaces for Black empowerment is crucial, but could it be that we’re accidentally crafting the blueprint for modern segregation? It’s the civil rights version of a punk rock phase — rebellious, loud, and controversial as hell.
- “Pour Some Gasoline on It, That’ll Help”
- When a fire starts to burn, there’s a lesson you must learn. Something, something, then you’ll see — you’ll avoid catastrophe. But if someone passes you gasoline instead of water, maybe check their credentials.
- When a fire starts to burn, there’s a lesson you must learn. Something, something, then you’ll see — you’ll avoid catastrophe. But if someone passes you gasoline instead of water, maybe check their credentials.
- “Who Needs Tact When You’ve Got Good Intentions?”
- It’s been said, the road to hell is paved with good intentions; well, we’ve apparently decided to turn that road into an eight-lane superhighway. Strap in, y’all—we’re in for a bumpy ride.
- It’s been said, the road to hell is paved with good intentions; well, we’ve apparently decided to turn that road into an eight-lane superhighway. Strap in, y’all—we’re in for a bumpy ride.
The Hot Take
In conclusion, if history were a sitcom, our current episode seems to be a blend of a satirical farce and a surreal black comedy. To fix the problem at hand, perhaps we should toss out the idea of exclusive scholarships into the dumpster of ‘sounds good, doesn’t work’.
How about this for a knee-slapper: Let’s craft a program that supports all underprivileged students, regardless of race, while highlighting systemic problems without becoming a systemic problem. Revolutionary, isn’t it?
Make it so the next time we hear about a scholarship or program designed to address inequality, it isn’t met with facepalms but with a round of applause, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll have taken a step in the right direction.
Source: Blacks-only George Floyd Scholarship spurs federal civil rights complaint: ‘Wrong and unlawful’
