Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
The Details
Let’s dive headfirst into the kiddie pool of shallow thinking where the temperature of cognitive dissonance is just right—George Floyd conspiracy theories in the MAGA cosmos. Honestly, it’s the kind of tale you couldn’t make up if you were on a peyote-fueled Bender with Hunter S. Thompson’s ghost driving the getaway car.
The plot: unshakable believers clad in their superhero capes of alternative facts, taking a tragic event and transforming it into an Olympic sport of mental gymnastics. It’s the sort of event you’d need a PhD in Nonsense to properly dissect, so let’s cut through the red, white, and baloney and get into the nitty-gritty of how fiction becomes the misguided missile of mass misperception.
The Breakdown
- Floydgate: A Series of Unfortunate Invents
They say truth is stranger than fiction, but in this bizarro world, fiction is working overtime to outdo the truth. Theories suggest everything from deep state involvement to crisis actors – because why admit systemic issues when you can indulge in a conspiracy buffet? - MAGA Mythbusters: No Theory Too Far
From “false flag” to “fake news,” believers have dug their heels in so deep, they’re practically turning up in China. The logic leapfrog here would leave actual frogs bewildered. - The Pseudo-Historical Chronicles of Floyd
Taking bits of history, with a sprinkle of paranoia—like a spice that’s 100% MSG—and presto! You’ve got a secret agenda cocktail that’s equal parts balderdash and distortion. - The Alternate Reality Show
Here’s a thought exercise: if you cross Occam’s Razor with a MAGA hat, do you get the sharpest crayon in the box, or just more reasons to wear foil headgear? - Digital Age Witch Hunts
Instead of broomsticks and cauldrons, we’ve got keyboards and forums. The hunt is on for villains more elusive than Bigfoot hosting a dinner party for the Loch Ness Monster.
The Counter
- Isn’t it Obvious?
Clearly, George Floyd is living large in the Bahamas, sipping cocktails with Tupac and Elvis, because reality is so passé and “dead” is just a state of mind. - The Never-ending Story
Conspiracy theorists’ ability to never reach a conclusion is a skill set deserving its own infomercial. Can’t solve a problem if you’re perpetually fixing a Rubik’s Cube in the dark. - Cognitive Dissonance Du Jour
Today’s special: a heaping helping of “Some People Just Can’t Be Wrong” served with a side of “Admitting Fault Is For The Weak.” Bon appétit! - The Red Pill, White Lies, and Blue Screen of Death
Take a plunge down the rabbit hole, and find yourself in a wonderland where reality is the enemy and fiction is your trusty sidekick. - The Encyclopedia of Everything’s Made Up and the Facts Don’t Matter
Why let books and experts dictate the story when you can author a perfectly good fantasy from the comfort of your own armchair?
The Hot Take
If you want to put out the dumpster fire that is the proliferation of George Floyd conspiracy theories, we liberals suggest tackling it with a flame thrower of education and a snazzy pair of “common sense” goggles. But why go with something as quaint as education when you could just sequelize the Inquisition, right?
It’s about taking the conversation away from the keyboard warriors and putting it back onto the pavement where it started—with voices raised, minds willing to listen, and actions ready to bring about the change that’s not just another conspiracy theory waiting to be hatched on the dark web.
Source: The rapid rise of George Floyd conspiracy theories on the MAGA right
