Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
When you think of rambunctious teenagers, you might envision stolen kisses in the backseat of a car or shady rendezvous in nightclub bathrooms. But guess what? The times, they are a-changin’, and it seems like lately the silver-haired foxes are giving these youngsters a run for their money. According to a Newsweek report, Older Americans are now racking up STIs at a rate that’s doubled in the past decade. That’s right, the same demographic that’s more likely to own a life alert bracelet than a Tinder account is getting frisky in their golden years!
The Breakdown
- The “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” Geriatric Jamboree.
- Imagine a bingo night turned wild. The same hands that once played patty-cake with grandchildren are now leading to an uptick in syphilis and who can blame them? If crosswords and 4 p.m. dinners can’t cut it, why not throw caution to the wind and opt for a little afternoon delight?
- Imagine a bingo night turned wild. The same hands that once played patty-cake with grandchildren are now leading to an uptick in syphilis and who can blame them? If crosswords and 4 p.m. dinners can’t cut it, why not throw caution to the wind and opt for a little afternoon delight?
- Geriatric Love: There’s No Condom for Regret.
- We’ve got a generation that survived the ’60s, so you’d think safe sex would be ingrained in their brains right next to “The Beatles are the best band ever.” Yet here we are, a soaring number of retirees are skipping the safe sex talk, probably because they’re too busy not hearing anything without their hearing aids.
- We’ve got a generation that survived the ’60s, so you’d think safe sex would be ingrained in their brains right next to “The Beatles are the best band ever.” Yet here we are, a soaring number of retirees are skipping the safe sex talk, probably because they’re too busy not hearing anything without their hearing aids.
- The Scooter Set Swap More Than Just War Stories.
- Turns out the local senior center is more akin to a college dorm than we thought. With all the partner swapping, you’d think they were trying out for the Olympic relay team. Swiping right has turned into arthritic swipes at the next-door neighbor’s spouse.
- Turns out the local senior center is more akin to a college dorm than we thought. With all the partner swapping, you’d think they were trying out for the Olympic relay team. Swiping right has turned into arthritic swipes at the next-door neighbor’s spouse.
- Retirement Plans or Rendezvous Plans:
- Financial advisors highlight the importance of retirement planning, but neglected to mention the allocation of funds for the forthcoming penicillin budget. Because, hey, a 401(k) won’t cover the new line of STI medications.
- Financial advisors highlight the importance of retirement planning, but neglected to mention the allocation of funds for the forthcoming penicillin budget. Because, hey, a 401(k) won’t cover the new line of STI medications.
- The Viagra Vanguard Paved The Way.
- Thanks to a certain blue pill, a generation has risen — quite literally — to the occasion. With great power comes great responsibility, or so we thought. But instead of supervillains, we’re fighting super-gonorrhea.
- Thanks to a certain blue pill, a generation has risen — quite literally — to the occasion. With great power comes great responsibility, or so we thought. But instead of supervillains, we’re fighting super-gonorrhea.
The Counter
- The Rocking Chair’s Actual Rockin’: It’s About Time!
- Why shouldn’t ecstasy be on the senior menu along with early bird specials? There’s nothing like shaking up the retirement home with a little bit of excitement. It beats listening to Lawrence Welk reruns.
- Why shouldn’t ecstasy be on the senior menu along with early bird specials? There’s nothing like shaking up the retirement home with a little bit of excitement. It beats listening to Lawrence Welk reruns.
- A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down.
- Mary Poppins should’ve been a sex ed teacher for the Social Security set. Retirement is sweet, and why not sprinkle a bit of sugar in the form of casually transmitted infections?
- Mary Poppins should’ve been a sex ed teacher for the Social Security set. Retirement is sweet, and why not sprinkle a bit of sugar in the form of casually transmitted infections?
- “Till Death Do Us Part” Has Loopholes.
- You thought it meant monogamy, but no one specified the terms and conditions in the fine print. And with memory issues, who can remember yesterday’s sweetheart, let alone today’s STI screening?
- You thought it meant monogamy, but no one specified the terms and conditions in the fine print. And with memory issues, who can remember yesterday’s sweetheart, let alone today’s STI screening?
- From Werther’s Original to Cialis Continuum.
- Jumping from the sweet old grandparents offering candy to the hip new ‘grandpartiers’ sharing more than sweets is quite the leap. Looks like the candy dish now holds a different type of ‘pick-me-up.’
- Jumping from the sweet old grandparents offering candy to the hip new ‘grandpartiers’ sharing more than sweets is quite the leap. Looks like the candy dish now holds a different type of ‘pick-me-up.’
- The Best Things in Life Are STDs.
- The golden years are for reliving your youth, even down to the same mistakes you made when you were 18. Who says history doesn’t repeat itself, especially when it itches?
- The golden years are for reliving your youth, even down to the same mistakes you made when you were 18. Who says history doesn’t repeat itself, especially when it itches?
The Hot Take
Listen, folks, it seems the only thing that’s retired is their ability to give a damn. But seriously, we need to tackle this lover’s leap in STIs among the senior demographic with a pinch of humor and a truckload of education. What if Medicare came with a complementary sex ed course and a pack of geriatric-friendly prophylactics? Perhaps, then the only thing our beloved baby boomers would be catching is feelings.
We’ve liberalized a ton of things, but it looks like we missed sexual health education for those past the half-century mark. Incorporating accessible and frequent STI screenings at places where bingo and shuffleboard reign supreme might just save Granny and Gramps from more than just heartache. It’s time for us to advocate for sexual health resources that aren’t afraid to address the fact that yes, Virginia, seniors have sex too.
And let’s normalize this chat, shall we? Talking to Grandma about getting down doesn’t have to be more uncomfortable than a Thanksgiving political debate. Let’s break the silence and the stigma because evidently, the seniors are breaking every other social convention – and apparently, latex barriers.
Nothing says wild like a bunch of sexagenarians (and that’s not just an age bracket!) keeping doctors on their toes and pharmacists busy. Maybe it’s time for a new generation to have “The Talk” — this time, with the elders.
Source: Older Americans Now Have Twice As Many STIs as a Decade Ago
