Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a move that has precedent only in the most absurd political satires, Donald Trump has put a price on loyalty—or, more specifically, on his own face. The former President and businessman-turned-political-kingpin has decreed that any GOP aspirants seeking to harness his still-potent brand must pony up a tithe of 5% to the church of Trump.
In essence, he’s franchising his likeness as if it were a fast-food logo rather than the representation of political clout. One must wonder if there’s a discount for bulk usage or perhaps a loyalty card—’Use Trump’s face ten times, and the next one’s free!’ As absurd as it sounds, it’s a true testament to Trump’s business acumen: he’s found yet one more way to monetize his presidency.
The Breakdown
- Fiscal Responsibility or Self-Service?
- We all know that if there’s one thing Trump stands for, it’s fiscal responsibility. So, it’s no surprise he would ask candidates to cough up the dough for using his mug in their campaigns. How else are they to learn the value of a dollar if not by spending it on Trump’s face?
- We all know that if there’s one thing Trump stands for, it’s fiscal responsibility. So, it’s no surprise he would ask candidates to cough up the dough for using his mug in their campaigns. How else are they to learn the value of a dollar if not by spending it on Trump’s face?
- Brand Loyalty Has Its Price
- Can you even call yourself a Republican if you haven’t paid the Trump tax? It’s the hot new trend in GOP circles: show your worth by flashing that receipt for the rights to Trump’s likeness. Who needs policy when you have a brand?
- Can you even call yourself a Republican if you haven’t paid the Trump tax? It’s the hot new trend in GOP circles: show your worth by flashing that receipt for the rights to Trump’s likeness. Who needs policy when you have a brand?
- 5% – The New Tithing
- In political churches, the new standard for tithing is not 10%, but a modest 5%. It’s ‘Give to Caesar what is caesar’s—unless Caesar is Trump, in which case, negotiate a licensing fee.’
- In political churches, the new standard for tithing is not 10%, but a modest 5%. It’s ‘Give to Caesar what is caesar’s—unless Caesar is Trump, in which case, negotiate a licensing fee.’
- Trump Merch: Beyond the MAGA Hat
- Forget the tired old MAGA hats; the future of Trump merchandising is now in the hands of savvy campaigners. Act now, and for an additional fee, they might even get an autographed picture to put up next to the family crest.
- Forget the tired old MAGA hats; the future of Trump merchandising is now in the hands of savvy campaigners. Act now, and for an additional fee, they might even get an autographed picture to put up next to the family crest.
- Trademarking Democracy
- In a bold move to protect the sanctity of democracy, Trump has decided to trademark his contribution to it. Because nothing says democratic principles quite like having to pay up before you can show support for them.
- In a bold move to protect the sanctity of democracy, Trump has decided to trademark his contribution to it. Because nothing says democratic principles quite like having to pay up before you can show support for them.
The Counter
- Taxation Without Representation?
- Trump’s monetizing strategy is not a money-grab, it’s a lesson in taxation without representation. ‘Remember the Boston Tea Party? No? Well, that’s because we didn’t have trademarks back then!’
- Trump’s monetizing strategy is not a money-grab, it’s a lesson in taxation without representation. ‘Remember the Boston Tea Party? No? Well, that’s because we didn’t have trademarks back then!’
- Unprecedented Money Moves
- Historians will look back at this financial maneuver and marvel—not because it was successful, but because it opened up a whole new genre of political comedy. This is not corruption; it’s performance art.
- Historians will look back at this financial maneuver and marvel—not because it was successful, but because it opened up a whole new genre of political comedy. This is not corruption; it’s performance art.
- Donate to The Cause
- Think of this 5% not as a fee, but as a heartfelt donation to the cause of Making America Great Again. It’s charity, really. Tax-deductible? That’s a question for the IRS, but let’s not get bogged down in details.
- Think of this 5% not as a fee, but as a heartfelt donation to the cause of Making America Great Again. It’s charity, really. Tax-deductible? That’s a question for the IRS, but let’s not get bogged down in details.
- License to Lead
- Maybe this is just Trump pioneering a new qualification for office: not just the ability to lead, but also the ability to negotiate licensing agreements. It’s just like the Art of the Deal, but with more direct implications on free speech.
- Maybe this is just Trump pioneering a new qualification for office: not just the ability to lead, but also the ability to negotiate licensing agreements. It’s just like the Art of the Deal, but with more direct implications on free speech.
- Capitalism for Change
- We should be celebrating Trump for utilizing capitalism for change. Charging for his image? It’s just another business innovation—like Uber, but for Trump’s face.
- We should be celebrating Trump for utilizing capitalism for change. Charging for his image? It’s just another business innovation—like Uber, but for Trump’s face.
The Hot Take
To solve the royalty riddle and unburden the broken backs of burdened Republicans, let’s crowdsource this comedic conundrum. Everyone, pitch in a penny to create a public fund for the fair use of presidential likenesses. It’s like a Kickstarter for democracy—help pay the tithes so the candidates can focus on minor issues like policies rather than prioritizing the piggy bank of POTUS past.
Let’s establish a national meme park where every political figure’s face is free to use, and visitors can adorn their messages with whichever statesman they fancy without dropping a dime—or 5% of their campaign fund. How’s that for open-source politics?
Ultimately, Trump’s latest monetization effort could be a teachable moment for the importance of having a separation of cash and state. If we want to keep the politics somewhat pure, we might need to start by ensuring that no one can trademark the presidential seal—or the oddly expressive face that once accompanied it.
Source: Trump demands 5% cut from GOP candidates who use his ‘name, image and likeness’ in ads
