Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In the latest escapade that could easily be mistaken for a cut scene from a political satire, we have Representative James Comer dangling the proverbial carrot of Biden’s alleged crimes in front of an audience that, frankly, might find more suspense in watching paint dry. Comer has tossed his hat into the ring, promising revelations about Biden’s misdeeds with the gusto of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat.
The only problem is everybody’s seen this rabbit before, and it wasn’t that impressive the first time. This comes to us courtesy of an article that might as well be seasoned with a healthy dose of skepticism and served with a side of eye rolls, suggesting maybe—just maybe—we should all take a deep breath and not hold it.
The Breakdown
- The Houdini of Political Promises
- You have to admire the sheer audacity of a man who promises to reveal something earth-shattering as casually as mentioning he might switch to almond milk. We’re edge-of-our-seat here, waiting for the grand expose of Biden’s Cabal of Catastrophe.
- You have to admire the sheer audacity of a man who promises to reveal something earth-shattering as casually as mentioning he might switch to almond milk. We’re edge-of-our-seat here, waiting for the grand expose of Biden’s Cabal of Catastrophe.
- Spoiler Alert: It’s Not Watergate
- Get your popcorn ready, folks! Except, instead of a gripping political thriller, it’s more like the DVD menu has been left on loop and the actual movie is nowhere in sight. Crickets, please take your cue.
- Get your popcorn ready, folks! Except, instead of a gripping political thriller, it’s more like the DVD menu has been left on loop and the actual movie is nowhere in sight. Crickets, please take your cue.
- The Boy Who Cried ‘Impeachment’
- Sure, impeachment threats are the new ‘I’m telling mom’, but even elementary school tattletales know you need a bit more substance before the grown-ups take you seriously. The political version of “wait till my dad gets home” is wearing a bit thin.
- Sure, impeachment threats are the new ‘I’m telling mom’, but even elementary school tattletales know you need a bit more substance before the grown-ups take you seriously. The political version of “wait till my dad gets home” is wearing a bit thin.
- The Cliffhanger That Never Was
- Just when you think the plot couldn’t thicken any less, Comer insists there’s a sinister twist in the Biden saga. Yet somehow, everyone’s book is still on the first chapter because—spoiler alert—there’s nothing to read.
- Just when you think the plot couldn’t thicken any less, Comer insists there’s a sinister twist in the Biden saga. Yet somehow, everyone’s book is still on the first chapter because—spoiler alert—there’s nothing to read.
- The Political Equivalent of Junk Mail
- It’s the kind of news that’s met with the same enthusiasm as finding another credit card offer in your mailbox. You know it’s just going to end up in the recycling bin, but someone keeps sending them anyway.
- It’s the kind of news that’s met with the same enthusiasm as finding another credit card offer in your mailbox. You know it’s just going to end up in the recycling bin, but someone keeps sending them anyway.
The Counter
- Move Over, Shakespeare
- Because obviously, this tale of sound and fury signifies something, right? Or was it nothing? Ah, it’s hard to keep track when the tale is this enthralling.
- Because obviously, this tale of sound and fury signifies something, right? Or was it nothing? Ah, it’s hard to keep track when the tale is this enthralling.
- Who Needs Evidence When You Have Drama?
- Forget those pesky things called facts. We’re here for the melodrama, the costumes, the suspense of hollow allegations. It’s like reality TV, but less credible.
- Forget those pesky things called facts. We’re here for the melodrama, the costumes, the suspense of hollow allegations. It’s like reality TV, but less credible.
- The Little Engine That Couldn’t
- I think I can, I think I can, I think I can… reveal Biden’s crimes? Or maybe let’s go with: I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could… but I couldn’t.
- I think I can, I think I can, I think I can… reveal Biden’s crimes? Or maybe let’s go with: I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could… but I couldn’t.
- The Art of Making Mountains from Molehills
- Of course, if you squint hard enough and have an extraordinary imagination, that molehill of a scandal could look like Mount Everest. It’s all about perspective, and possibly hallucinogens.
- Of course, if you squint hard enough and have an extraordinary imagination, that molehill of a scandal could look like Mount Everest. It’s all about perspective, and possibly hallucinogens.
- Waiting for the Next Non-Issue
- With baited breath, we anticipate the next big nothingburger. It’ll be served up with a side of conspiracy theories and marinated in a secret sauce of incredulity.
- With baited breath, we anticipate the next big nothingburger. It’ll be served up with a side of conspiracy theories and marinated in a secret sauce of incredulity.
The Hot Take
Now, let’s bring this comedy skit to a close with a liberal flamethrower of common sense. If we really want to tackle the problems laid out in this vaudevillian display of political theater, let’s start by focusing on real issues and addressing them with practical solutions.
But that doesn’t get you airtime on the 24-hour news cycle, right? To fix the problem, the audience—yes, that’s you, dear reader—could consider turning off the reality TV show that politics has become. Demand substance over spectacle. Or we could just keep reveling in the absurdity of political Hail Marys and treating every hollow proclamation as if it’s the “gotcha” moment that’ll never be.
Source: Rep. James Comer Says He’s About To Reveal Biden’s Crime. No One’s Holding Their Breath.
