Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
If there’s a more thrilling way to start your day than by digesting the latest congressional kerfuffle over spy powers, I haven’t found it—and I’ve looked hard. In our latest episode of “Capitol Hilltops,” Senator Dick Durbin shimmies into the spotlight with some zesty moves against the Biden administration. Who says bipartisanship is dead?
We’ve got friendly fire when Durbin reportedly throws shade at ol’ Joe’s team over some amendments concerning those sweet, sweet surveillance powers. Yummy! Let’s all buckle up and enjoy the thrilling ride through this gallery of government gymnastics.
The Breakdown
- Buddy, Can You Spare An Amendment?
- Picture this: Durbin, in the ultimate display of congressional shadow boxing, tenatively opposing the Biden bunch on proposed changes to espionage etiquette. Is it just me or is there nothing more exhilarating than a good internal party squabble?
- Picture this: Durbin, in the ultimate display of congressional shadow boxing, tenatively opposing the Biden bunch on proposed changes to espionage etiquette. Is it just me or is there nothing more exhilarating than a good internal party squabble?
- Espionage Enthusiasts Unite
- The Biden administration, those sly foxes, want to extend the unmasking power—the spy’s equivalent of sneaking peeks at Christmas presents except it’s your private data in the stocking.
- The Biden administration, those sly foxes, want to extend the unmasking power—the spy’s equivalent of sneaking peeks at Christmas presents except it’s your private data in the stocking.
- Privacy? Never Heard of Her
- Privacy advocates are undoubtedly thrilled to bits as their precious civil liberties are treated like another item on a clearance sale at the surveillance superstore. Everything must go!
- Privacy advocates are undoubtedly thrilled to bits as their precious civil liberties are treated like another item on a clearance sale at the surveillance superstore. Everything must go!
- The Great Bipartisan Binge-Watch
- Cue bipartisan concern as lawmakers from both sides snack on popcorn while debating if they should or shouldn’t watch you through your webcam. It’s like “1984,” only with more live tweeting.
- Cue bipartisan concern as lawmakers from both sides snack on popcorn while debating if they should or shouldn’t watch you through your webcam. It’s like “1984,” only with more live tweeting.
- Durbin or Dur-bust
- Durbin, our sassy and savvy civil libertarian (for the moment), slips into a hero costume, ready to save us from the clutches of an overzealous executive branch. Will he stick the landing or is it just a routine performance?
- Durbin, our sassy and savvy civil libertarian (for the moment), slips into a hero costume, ready to save us from the clutches of an overzealous executive branch. Will he stick the landing or is it just a routine performance?
The Counter
- Commendable Constancy or Convenient Change-Up?
- Compliments to Durbin for steadfastly sticking to his constituents’ interests—or should we applaud the crafty shift in character? Has anyone seen my flip-flops?
- Compliments to Durbin for steadfastly sticking to his constituents’ interests—or should we applaud the crafty shift in character? Has anyone seen my flip-flops?
- The Administration’s Open-Book Policy
- The White House’s affable approach to your personal data—it’s all about sharing, isn’t it? After all, isn’t caring about your day-to-day life what politicians are for?
- The White House’s affable approach to your personal data—it’s all about sharing, isn’t it? After all, isn’t caring about your day-to-day life what politicians are for?
- Who Needs Privacy When You Have Security?
- Why fret over the trivialities of online privacy when you can bask in the unyielding glow of government protection? I feel warmer already.
- Why fret over the trivialities of online privacy when you can bask in the unyielding glow of government protection? I feel warmer already.
- United We Stand (Around Listening In)
- Let’s take a moment to appreciate the rare unity in Congress. Nothing brings people together like the chance to renew debate over surveilling…well, everyone.
- Let’s take a moment to appreciate the rare unity in Congress. Nothing brings people together like the chance to renew debate over surveilling…well, everyone.
- Durbin the Disruptor or Distraction?
- Is it possible that Durbin is less of a digital defender and more a master of diversion? After all, what’s a little surveillance between friends?
- Is it possible that Durbin is less of a digital defender and more a master of diversion? After all, what’s a little surveillance between friends?
The Hot Take
Alright, folks, let’s put on our sardonic caps and solve this puzzle. First off, if we really want to fix this mess, we need to start by understanding that privacy comes second to absolutely hilarious TikTok videos and incredibly targeted ads for that nose hair trimmer you never knew you needed until now. If that doesn’t work, we could always try the radical approach of implementing safeguards to prevent abuse of power. But where’s the fun in that?
Maybe we can turn to the tech whizzes for solutions. Surely they can design some sort of app that makes everyone invisible to the NSA unless they’re actually doing something illegal. Like a digital invisibility cloak, because if it’s good enough for Harry Potter, it’s good enough for John Q. Public.
Or—and hear me out—we could propose a new amendment, the “Mind Your Own Business Act,” mandating government agents to take an online course in etiquette with a focus on “not snooping in other people’s stuff without a darn good reason.” I can already sense a massive cultural shift.
Source: Durbin squares off against Biden administration on spy powers amendment
