Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Seattle is at it again, with the kind of headline that makes you scroll back to make sure you haven’t accidentally clicked on The Onion. But no, it’s the genuine, 100% bonafide real world where a Seattle hospital is refusing to turn over records for gender-affirming care in a lawsuit settlement with Texas.
Because what’s more thrilling than the Emerald City locking horns with the Lone Star state over something as sensitive as individual healthcare records? It’s like watching a unicorn and a minotaur debate the intricacies of quantum physics.
The Breakdown:
- Seattle Hospital Plays Keep-Away with Texas: It’s the kind of pettiness that warrants a Netflix docuseries. “Seattle Hospital vs. The Big Tex,” where the stakes are as high as the Space Needle and just as pointy. Buckle up, buttercup – we’re in for a bumpy ride.
- The specifics: The hospital in question just waved a big old ‘nope’ flag at turning over these records, meaning that someone in Texas is probably red-faced and steamy-eared, which is quite the cardio workout, I must say.
- The specifics: The hospital in question just waved a big old ‘nope’ flag at turning over these records, meaning that someone in Texas is probably red-faced and steamy-eared, which is quite the cardio workout, I must say.
- Texas – Probably Blaming the Power Grid or Something: You’ve got to hand it to Texas; they’re consistent. If something involves personal rights, you can count on them to be as subtle as a chainsaw in a library.
- Gender-Affirming Care? Not On Our Watch, Says Texas: Because what could be more offensive than healthcare that affirms one’s own sense of identity? I mean, next thing you know, we’ll have affirmation of basic human dignity, and we can’t have that, can we?
- The specifics: Cue the policymakers with their Speak & Spells trying to figure out the complexities of human individuality.
- The specifics: Cue the policymakers with their Speak & Spells trying to figure out the complexities of human individuality.
- Records Schmecords, Who Needs ’em?: In a dazzling display of legal acrobatics, Seattle’s repartee to Texas was less cooperative and more ‘read my lips…no new records.’
- The specifics: Hospital staff might as well have responded with a rousing game of charades, for all the information they’re not giving out.
- The specifics: Hospital staff might as well have responded with a rousing game of charades, for all the information they’re not giving out.
- Call the Translators; We’re Crossing Ideological Lines Here: Let’s get linguists and anthropologists on the line because we need a Rosetta Stone to interpret how each side views the concept of personal privacy.
- The specifics: If you guessed that privacy is a language not spoken in certain policy deserts, you might just win Final Jeopardy.
- The specifics: If you guessed that privacy is a language not spoken in certain policy deserts, you might just win Final Jeopardy.
The Counter:
- Texas, the Land of Liberty (Terms and Conditions May Apply): Because nothing screams freedom like trying to subpoena personal healthcare information from hundreds of miles away. Y’all come back now, ya hear?
- The specifics: Look, it’s the legal equivalent of reading someone’s diary and then getting mad because the tea is just too hot!
- The specifics: Look, it’s the legal equivalent of reading someone’s diary and then getting mad because the tea is just too hot!
- Policy by Mad Libs: Texas lawmakers are artfully crafting policy with all the finesse of a Mad Libs paragraph, except every blank is filled with ‘individual rights violation’.
- The specifics: “Today I violated [noun] by [verb] their [plural noun].” It’s like a grammar lesson from the dark ages.
- The specifics: “Today I violated [noun] by [verb] their [plural noun].” It’s like a grammar lesson from the dark ages.
- Seattle to Texas: ‘Can’t Touch This’: Seattle’s hospital just pulled a MC Hammer on the Lone Star State. And honestly, if Seattle could physically slide to the left on the country map, it would.
- The specifics: They’re throwing up bureaucratic dance moves that would make Hammer himself proud.
- The specifics: They’re throwing up bureaucratic dance moves that would make Hammer himself proud.
- Texas Legal Team: Begrudgingly Respects Boundaries for the First Time Ever: When the Seattle hospital stood its ground, Texas lawyers probably had to Google what ‘boundaries’ meant.
- The specifics: “Boundary: Noun. What do you mean we can’t do whatever we want? This is new.”
- The specifics: “Boundary: Noun. What do you mean we can’t do whatever we want? This is new.”
- Affirm This!: In a world where affirmation could be mistaken for a concept album by a band of psych majors, Seattle holds a seminar titled, ‘Your Jurisdiction Ends at the State Line’.
- The specifics: It’s show-and-tell day, and Seattle’s lesson plan consists of holding up a map and a dictionary entry on ‘federalism.’
- The specifics: It’s show-and-tell day, and Seattle’s lesson plan consists of holding up a map and a dictionary entry on ‘federalism.’
The Hot Take:
If we’re going to resolve this high-stakes kindergarten kerfuffle, it looks like we’re going to have to go all-in on the liberal playbook. Let’s make healthcare as accessible as fast food and autonomy as common as smartphones. We could legislate with empathy, fund affirming care like it’s a Space Force, and educate with kindness until ‘agree to disagree’ is no longer about basic human rights.
Oh, and Texas – while we’re handing out advice like pamphlets at a wellness fair – how about we dial down the ‘Big Brother?’
Source: Seattle hospital won’t turn over gender-affirming care records in lawsuit settlement with Texas
